The stories I tell of God’s faithfulness might make our life
look like a fairytale. In some ways it
really is. I read this Oswald Chambers quote recently and it really struck home
for me. “As long as we are “rich”, particularly in the area of pride or
independence, God can do nothing for us.“ You see, when you have surrendered all security,
all control, all ability to take care of your own needs yourself that is when
He has the opportunity to do what you wouldn’t need Him to do if you were self sufficient,
self directed and self centered.
But the reality is that fairytales have a dark side. Yes, warm
houses show up in dark forests, princes show up on white steeds and save
helpless maidens from fiery dragons. But dark forests and fiery dragons exist.
My writing is primarily a place for me to magnify our Reason
to Sing. He is so good. So faithful. So incredibly incredible. He is. I mean,
He has proven Himself over and over and over.
Recently I shared about how I turned to God to ask Him to
provide spare beds for us. He did so within days. Right after that occurred I
went home and kind of chuckled to myself, (half) jokingly saying, “Oh man…. why
didn’t I have the foresight to ask You for an armoire and a dresser, too?” The
very next morning my doorbell rings, and the SAME lady who had given me the
beds, sheets and guest towels is standing at the bottom of my stairwell. “Listen,”,
says she, “It’s not that you would be in need of a bedroom suite for your guest
room would you? My neighbor is redoing her rooms and has a set to give away.”
Of course she is. I may have chuckled as I made the initial jest,
but God definitely got the last laugh as He orchestrated the response.
His attention to detail is impeccable. In the midst of our move, I realized we were
still one dresser and one armoire short since the girls had been living at
Nonna’s and using her furniture. My first thought was that we would go to Ikea
to pick up a couple of pieces but again, I caught myself. Not my money, not my
job, first ask for what you need. The day after we arrived we were sitting
around the table at Tim and Jacki’s house and retelling the story about the
bedroom suite. She casually mentions, ”If you need another dresser, we have
that one just sitting there you are welcome to take.” That one was the big dresser from Ikea, in the exact finish of our
other furniture… the exact dresser I would
have bought if I had taken care of it myself, oh, and hey, by the way,
there is a matching armoire you are welcome to, too.
So why… why, why why do
I, like the Israelites in the desert, get to those inevitable points in the
road where the stretch ahead looks bleak, no oasis visible to the barren eye,
and my gut reaction is worry?
One of these barren vistas is sometimes our monthly support figure
when it arrives via email. Some months it is our oasis, our miracle. Some
months, like this one, I look at the Canadian figure of just over half of what we used to make when we had a
predictable salary, do the math to convert to euros which makes it that much
less, and my heart sinks a little.
Sometimes, I even panic. Sometimes I even catch myself almost on the brink of thinking out
loud, “God did you bring us out into the wilderness to perish?” Wow. Really? How can I even go there after
all He has done? But the truth is, that at month’s end, when our tummies are
full and our every need is met, I look at the month to come and I question
whether we are going to be able to afford to pay the heating, or worry that
Christmas won’t have Christmas presents or my kids will be forever stunted
because they won’t be able to take music lessons or participate in sports.
Last night I lay in bed turning these thoughts over and over
in my head. Wrestling with the truth that we are secure in the keeping of our
gracious Heavenly Father, and the lie that we are going to freeze or go hungry
in the wilderness. As a human being I want to DO something to secure control of
our future needs. Always, shamefully, it comes back to this. I
felt that quiet voice telling me to be still and I prayed over and over “Be
still and know that I am God” until my tense muscles relaxed and I drifted off
to sleep.
This morning I awoke to a quiet, still house, bundled up in
my wool sweater jacket over my fleece pyjamas and moved to sit near the heater
with my bible and journal. After beginning a study on Ruth yesterday I found
myself in chapter 2 and God ministered to me so deeply through the reminder of
how He gave Ruth such exaggeratedly extravagant grace under such a kind, generous benefactor. Boaz’s
words to Ruth appeared magnified on the page as I read them. “May the Lord reward your work and your
wages be full from the Lord, the God
of Israel, under whose wings you have come to seek refuge.”
A little later I opened our email to discover a
communication from an unknown sender where some sweet ladies (perfect strangers) in Texas wrote the
following greeting; “On behalf of (our assembly) we wish your family a very
merry Christmas and a blessed new Year. Funds were forwarded to (your agency)
for your children for Christmas gifts.”
Two precious ways God reminded me to be stayed on Him. Two
ways of showing me, reminding me, promising me that He is our Kinsmen Redeemer,
He is our Great Reward, and He, and only He, is and always will be our
Beautiful Benefactor.
Be still my beating heart and rest in the knowledge that He’s
got the whole crazy world, and our every single circumstance, in His very
capable and all powerful hands.
