Whither Then? I Cannot Say.

When I first began blogging about our faith and ministry journey over four years ago, I was reading the Hobbit to my boys. So many parallels gripped me that I called this blog "The Road to Middle Earth"; Middle Earth being the English transliteration of "Mediterranean". The picture on my blog header was a backdrop for the Tolkien quote I chose as my heading:

My blogging changed themes shortly after we arrived on the field and it became Stones in the Road, based on a favorite Steve Bell song of mine. Its purpose has been to testify to God's goodness and faithfulness along the way. He has been so good. He has been so faithful. And we have no doubt that good and faithful He will be.

At the time of choosing the Tolkien quote early on in our journey, it was the first part that really resonated with me. Now, it is the last line. The last line really says it all when it comes to our current reality. Wither then? I cannot say.

In just under one month we will be shipping our belongings to Canada. We know the province. That is about all we know. A few months ago we thought we had a pretty good idea of how to work this all out in a way that made sense to us. Since Pietro wants to take preaching, leadership and counseling classes at seminary, and our oldest daughter is beginning college on the same campus this fall, we could help cut living expenses for her by moving there for the next four years, be part of a small christian community where our younger kids could attend christian school and Pietro could find work in nearby Moose Jaw (we had a few leads at that time) while fitting studies around work. We could picture this nice, neat package that seemed a wonderful fit for all of our family's needs.

The job possibilities were closed doors. Housing has been CLEAR closed doors. Caronport High School is actually a private school and therefore any expenses we could have helped reduce for Shailey would be eaten up by private school tuition for our other kids. And so we are left questioning our nice, neat, four year plan and learning to say, "If not this, wither then....?" and learning to drift on the current of "I cannot say".

We feel like this is another big "Wait For It" moment in our lives and this time I am really trying to do better, to not wrestle through it like a caterpillar trying to break from the cocoon before its time. I still find myself wriggling at times, but I catch myself and still myself, and find my rest in the flow of the current better than I have in the past.

One open door we have seen is the provision of a  pre-approved mortgage despite the fact that we have no job security (yet). Not only that, it provides us with maximum flexibility (pay as often as you can and as much as you want, or don't pay at all and they will collect interest from our church building project investments at the end of the year). This has been a miraculous answer to prayer, because the honest truth is that with the largest portion of our money from the sale of the farm tied up in our home church building project until 2030, with no job prospects and no income, we definitely don't fit ANY of the standard criteria for a mortgage! But God opened that door so wide for us, in a way that was far beyond anything we would have ever dreamed or asked. So when God does reveal the "whither then", we will be able to move expediently to secure housing!

Until then, He has provided us with a place to stay in our home town of Waldheim until the first week of August (barring the 14-24th of June, if you know of a place we could crash during that period that would be another answer to prayer) and He has given us more confidence in being able to say the words (and be content in saying them): "I cannot say." Where will you be living? I cannot say. What will you be doing? I cannot say. Where will your kids be going to school? I cannot say. What are your plans for the future? I cannot say. The one thing we can say with complete confidence is that although we do not know WHAT the future holds, we know WHO holds the future.

We have had a lot of questions about Pietro's plans for seminary, and what our long term plans are and even those have become increasingly "we cannot say". We do feel increasingly that it is a time in life where we must show care and concern for our kids emotional, educational and social needs, and we do see providing stability and opportunity for them as a large priority for the next ten years until the youngest one comes of age. Since financially it will not be saving us money to live in Caronport, and since doors are not opening in Caronport area for employment and since employment is going to be the important clincher for location, we feel that once the other details of our lives fall together, we will see if, how and when Pietro can fit a class or two a year around holidays and in his spare time through the modular courses offered at Briercrest.

And what about Italy, you ask? We cannot say. Although the dream and the willingness is there if and when God were to open the door in the future for us to return, we have been cautioned and have come to a feeling of conviction we are NOT to put any timeline, or even a definitive stamp of self assurance on our return to Italy at this point. By no longer trying to force a timeline of our own devising, we can focus on living fully in the next chapter of life to continue serving, growing, learning and living out our mission wherever (and for however long) God deems fit to plant us.

Please pray with us that we would continue to have absolute confidence in God's plan and provision for our family, when it comes to our community, our home, our employment, our continued formation and "place in His plan". We might not be able to say "wither then" but we can confidently say, "wherever and whatever lies ahead of us, we know Who goes before us, we know Who stands behind: the God of angel armies is always by our side!

Curves in the Road

This fall the first of multiple road signs came into sight, catching our attention and beginning to alert us to check our speed and be attentive because a curve in the road was up ahead. Little did we imagine it would be a hairpin curve that seems to be leading us directly away from the destination where we feel led and and called to minister. This is hard for our minds and hearts to grasp because it seems contrary to our human logic and reasoning. And yet I am coming to understand the limitations of this line of reasoning, because life isn't linear and curves are inevitable. They are not definitive and they are not final. They are not the end of the road, they are just a part of the road.

I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to grasp, when experience has shown it time and time again to be true, but roads are seldom linear. My mind is drawn to linear things. Or at least to what *I* think of as linear; ie: concretely linear.... "arranged in or extending in a straight line." But as a reader and a writer I know that linear narrative looks very different from the definition of linear as stated above. A linear narrative involves progressing from one stage to another in a series of steps or stages, it is sequential, forming a logical order to a logical outcome, but not always predictable.

So in my limited human reasoning, if I started at point A and believed my final destination to be point Z, I would expect and desire points B-Y to be predictably planted in a nice straight line as the crow flies all serving to speed me on my way to point Z. But God's concept of linear is something else entirely, a road designed not to get us from point A to Z tout suite, as much as through curves B to Y, each one of them a mile marker in their own right on our journey toward sanctification and spiritual maturity. And sanctification doesn't happen in the express lane.

“God called the Israelites out of slavery and into the Promised Land, but then He made
them wait for 40 years. God asked Samuel to anoint David as king, but then David had
to wait in great peril during Saul’s reign before becoming king. Paul was converted and
charged with a mission to reach the gentiles, but he took years before starting his
ministry. Even Jesus didn’t begin acting in His “official calling” until the wedding at
Cana. You might know exactly how God wants to give heavenly purpose to your life, and
you might even be tasting it right now in what seems like the perfect opportunity, but if
your spouse is not on board and your marriage is not elevated, then God might just be
kindly giving you a glimpse of what is to come and asking you to wait. To wait until you
are ready, until your spouse is ready (or your kids), to wait until the world is ready…”
Lindsay Hall

When we started this journey into overseas ministry I was reading The Hobbit to our sons. I found so many heart wrenching parallels to our life within its pages. I never imagined that having once braved the 'There' aspect of the journey: embarked into the unknown, reached the destination, faced the dragon, we might continue to find parallels within its pages about the 'and Back Again' part. How anti-climactic. That part definitely seems less adventuresome and romantic.

And yet here we are. Having reached what we believed to be our destination only to find out this is only curve ___ in the journey, and that sometimes, unexpectedly we find ourselves at a curve in the road that appears to be leading us in the WRONG direction. Because we are programmed to think that FORWARD equates with "in the same direction". So we stand there scratching our heads and questioning everything. That can't possibly be right. Somehow the signs must have been tampered with. THAT is the direction we came from and this THIS on the other hand, is the direction we embarked on and must take if we hope to reach point Z.

But we mustn't minimize curves C-Y. We mustn't try to skip corners or think that stubbornly deciding to break our own trail in the direction we think we need to be going is going to be more efficient or logical. If there is a bend in the road, there is a reason. Roads are designed to lead us around, over, under, through unpredictable terrain, and sometimes they seem to be completely counter-intuitive to where we think we should be going. But if every point holds something we need at our destination, some experience, some tool, some purpose, then we must take each curve and await with anticipation and expectation the view and experiences that await us around the bend. This is another way that joy in the journey can continue to be found, learning to lean into the curves.

In the Best of Hands

When we return to Italy in the fall, it will be with one new notch on our growth chart of surrender; our firstborn.

As Shailey began to talk out her interests and potentially map out her next year and her subsequent undergraduate studies it quickly became evident that a gap year in Italy was going to create some impracticalities. As a non resident of Canada she would be forced to apply as an international student which is substantially more expensive. Secondly, since she was homeschooled she is going to have to take entrance exams when she applies. Thirdly, she needs to get her driver’s license sooner than later. Being able to work part time as well as have independence and mobility (on foot or by bike) in our community to serve in ministry would be huge advantages as well.

So we started to realize that she has a lot to do this year to prepare for the next. It was a super emotional time for her, and for us by proxy when we started coming to this conclusion. It meant the year we were looking forward to spending with her had just been chopped off leaving us with 6 weeks. I now know what “heart wrenching” actually feels like.

As Shailey started to feel more determined about what she wanted to study, we started to pray for God to work out all practicalities. It was emotionally overwhelming for us to even imagine  how God could bring all of this together quickly enough that we would feel absolute peace and confidence about so quickly and suddenly settling our daughter and returning to Italy without her.

We prayed to the God of minute details. I asked Him to please make it all come together in ways that only He could so that our daughter would not just “accept” His will for her this year, but embrace it with joy and excitement. God did not disappoint. The past week or so has been one story of Divine Provision after another.. To see Him in all the details, bringing the perfect people into her life in all areas, home, work, ministry, etc, my heart is so full and thankful for her!

A few of God’s fingerprints:

When I prayed about Shailey’s living arrangements God brought a couple to my mind. When we approached them about the possibility of Shailey living with them as a homestay nanny in exchange for room and board they were excited how this was answering not only our prayers but prayers of their own as well. When we met to discuss expectations of both parties, we were on the same page in every way, and when I saw Shailey’s room I couldn’t hold back tears as it was painted and decorated in her favorite colors of robin’s egg blue and chocolate brown.

The little guy that Shailey is going to get to care for 2-3 days a week is going to be such a comfort and joy to her as she has always been such a nurturing and loving big sister, and I am so excited for her to get to live surrounded by other role models and team leaders as she steps out and spreads her wings. She is super excited to live out real life discipleship together with our youth pastor and ministry team, and to pour into younger girls in our community.

We have been praying for the people who can give us confidence in finalizing Shailey’s undergraduate career plans, as she has expressed the desire to pursue a bachelor of arts in Social Work, specializing in youth and family counselling. Wouldn’t you know that this week at family camp we are surrounded by some of the top christian people in Saskatoon with years of expertise in this field.

As Shailey came to terms with not returning to Italy she began a grieving process. This is healthy and good. I wanted her to have the tools to transition well. The other night I was lying in bed praying for her. God brought the Canadian MK (missionary kid) Network to my mind and I remembered that they have a reboot camp for kids transitioning off the field. I felt the urgency to actually get up and send an email to our missions agency explaining the situation and requesting information (even though it was close to 1 am). The next day I received a hasty reply that our agency was strongly encouraging us to send her, and would help sponsor the cost, and that the deadline for registration was that same day.

He’s a good, good Father. It’s who He is. Our girl is in the best of hands, being loved by Him.

Your Father Knows....

We are not the same people we were two years ago. We don't think the same, we don't respond the same, and interestingly, we are no longer surprised when God orchestrates amazing things on our behalf.

That doesn't mean that we are not just as delighted, or just as overcome with emotion, but we are not *surprised*. Because He has proven Himself again and again, and again to be our Source, our Sure Thing. The One who calls, provides for the journey.

We can't really live by a budget, because the numbers don't match. God's math doesn't make ANY sense. Somehow there is money to give, to host, to bless, when there should technically only be enough to pay the rent and utility bills. Our vehicle insurance, repairs, tires, etc are not even in the theoretical budget right now, and amazingly, that doesn't concern us.

Like the lady with the oil and the jars, when it should be running out, somehow, it never does. And when something out of the ordinary looms (like our vehicle insurance next month) the money anonymously shows up in our MSC Canada account in the exact right figures that we need.

Or we agree to pray for discernment about whether we should attend a family camp for European MSC workers and someone emails us before we even have time to pray and says "we want to gift you with *this* amount of money, to use in a way that would bless your family." The exact amount for camp registration.

When God was first challenging us to come to Italy, we felt that He was challenging us to come in faith. With no sure knowledge of where we would end up or how we would pay the bills. We were strangely fierce in our desire to "trust and obey and watch" as the Lord guided and provided. We have never, never, EVER been disappointed.

"Do not be amazed, your Father knows what you need before you even ask", and His children who He has blessed with resources are a blessing to others, that we may bless others, that they... Oh what a privilege to be His child, and to be siblings with you in this life now, and in our eternal home. May His family grow and His name be made famous among the nations!

The House That God Picked

This one has me so dazed that I can't even conceivably wax eloquent on it. I am like a stuttering fool before His goodness. After sharing the story about God's lead to Naples, of course I was bombarded with questions about logistics. Where is Naples in relation  to Lesina?  Does this mean a move? So then you need a house?

Well let me assure you that God was far ahead of us all. Indeed, as someone told me precisely 22 months ago, not to worry about the future, the house, the logistics, because God was Already There . And in fine form, just like The Story With Our Van His sovereign signature was in the details.

Before leaving Canada our care team was praying for the home God was preparing for us. One of our friends challenged us to be super specific with God, as we were with the van. So we went home and did our homework, ie. made a list of our needs and desires. This was not an easy task, but I will say the kids had a much easier time with it than I did. We wrote the following:

Need: Three bedrooms: one for us, one for the boys, one for the girls.
Desire: A spare bedroom

Need: A dining room big enough for our ginormous table and family
Desire: A spacious open concept floor plan that would allow hosting big gatherings

Need: Windows. (without light I am prone to struggle with depression)
Desire: Green. It doesn't even have to be on my yard, but if I can just SEE a tree, God I will be happy.

Need: an outdoor space. maybe a balcony, a little patio, or a terrace... just a place to sit in the open air
Desire: a yard "a giardino" as it is called in Italy. with grass, and trees and space for the kids trampoline.

Need: 600 euros a month rent
Desire: a free, private parking space with room to tinker.

Other Desires:
Nichole: please no whacky, tacky tiles and patterns.
Elisa: to be near the sea
Shailey: to have horse stables nearby

Yeah, like I said, the kids didn't have trouble with the Extravagant Giver or  "specific desires" aspect.

During the past six months, I must admit I was a little confused as to the exercise in specifics. I had felt that God was convicting me on doubting His desire to give good gifts to His children. Almost as though I thought He would be stingy in order to test my faithfulness or maturity. I sensed this offended God,  (rightly so) repented of it and asked Him to help me see Him as the Extravagant Giver that He is. Not that that is all He is, but specifically for me this was an element of His character I struggled with.

I really believed I had "broken through" in this area, and was holding great expectations for God to wow us with "something amazing" for our family and ministry. I just gotta say that our 900 square foot, two bedroom, second story apartment with one itsy bitsy teeny weeny shower and expensive 100 euro a month parking 3 blocks away, kinda let me down a bit. DON'T get me wrong. The apartment is beautiful, bright, the four rooms are relatively spacious, and it has a huge balcony for outdoor living, and the 400 euros a month was a huge plus as well. For all of these things I was truly grateful. But... well.... I felt like after challenging me to step up my expectations, God kinda dropped the ball on this one.

Cue the house in Naples. When we were planning the dates to go and explore a ministry opportunity at Il Faro, we were told that they had a potential house that we could rent as well. On Monday afternoon, at 5 pm, we stood in front of the big gate and waited for them to buzz us in. I will describe what we saw, as we saw it as the gate slid open. Yard. A big, big yard. Grass. Trees and lots of place for kids to run. A detached double garage with plenty of space to tinker. A huge two story house, with tons of big windows.

Entering the house we found ourselves in a great room that was practically the size of our whole apartment, with a huge fire place, high ceilings and incredible finishing details. To the right, sliding mahogany doors open to steps leading down to the kitchen with patio doors leading to the patio. A hall, a laundry room and a bathroom lead to the stairs that take you to the second floor where there are two bathrooms and four bedrooms, all with french doors leading on to balconies. From the balconies you look out over a pine forest reaching as far as the eye can see in both directions. Literally a carpet of lush green. And 500 yards beyond, the sea.

As if all of these particulars were not enough, there were little over the top things that left us speechless. Fancy bathtubs and showers and a gas hook up for the barbecue we brought from Canada. But the piece de resistance came at the end of it all when we were sitting around the formal dining room table with the owners and some of their neighbors who had come to help them pack. The neighbors asked our girls what they missed from Canada and the girls said how they missed their horses. The lady's face broke out in a big smile and she said "Well, no worries. We have horse stables and we live just a few miles from here, plenty of horses to choose from."

This dream home, this answer to need, desire and dream and so much more? The rent is 100 euros a month more than what we paid for rent for our apartment and garage in Lesina and exactly the 600 euros a month we had budgeted...

It's just a house. But it's the house God picked and may I just say, He has excellent taste. Extravagant grace has taken on a whole new depth.

The Lighthouse at the End of Nomad's Land

"My Lighthouse,
My Lighthouse
Shining in the darkness,
I will follow You.
My Lighthouse,
My Lighthouse;
I will trust the promise
You will carry me safe to shore."

These lyrics have been a staple in our home, both during our final days in "our Canada house" as Nicholas calls it, and then again during these initial months of transition and observation here in this little coral colored rental in Italy. I remember every time it would come around in a playlist it would stop me in my tracks, draw me in, infuse me with its truth. Once was never enough, I would inevitably be drawn to hit repeat and allow myself to be reminded, strengthened, re-enforced. It brought joy, faith, a renewed anticipation in a way. In hindsight I can see how it was another one of those "Wait for it...." post it notes from God.

I am not a liar. But I don't always tell both sides of the story. This blog is a place for me to record the amazing Red Sea, manna and quail stories. Facebook is a place where I really enjoy posting pictures of our "recharge" day. The weekly day off we are committed to unplugging and retreating as a family, away from our tiny apartment, away from our dirty, noisy, busy street. Somewhere peaceful, restful, beautiful. I love to capture these places and experiences in photo, and share their beauty with people back home.

But what this blog and facebook don't show are are the sights or sounds or emotions of the other 6 days of our week. The day in and day out wandering in the desert of Nomad's land on our way to the place He has picked out.   It can not portray the fog that has been our constant companion as we continue to drift while persevering in trust that His hand in on the rudder. You trust that God has a shore in mind, you believe in the light of His towering, rock solid, guiding beacon. You keep telling yourself over and over, it's there... it's coming... watch for it. Your eyes get blurry as you keep straining to catch sight of it.

And then one day BOOM. It almost blinds you as it swings into sight and you sit wholly bathed in its blazing clarity.

The Lighthouse. How many times have we sung it, clinging to the truth of it. So why on earth would my heart race fit to bursting at the realization that He has brought our boat to shore at the foot of  Il Faro: The Lighthouse in Naples. I love to tell the story, I love to give Him glory...but the truth is that the more we learn to lean in and allow ourselves to be carried along in the current of His plot,  the more often we find ourselves sitting speechless and stunned by the intricacies of His sovereign penmanship. Why we would be surprised anymore continues to amaze me, but in a way I think He delights in stunning us. Yes, I do believe He delights in setting off fireworks that light up our darkness with the brilliance of His glory.

The mission of Il Faro is to develop mature and united disciples to reach Naples and the world for Jesus. Their desire is to see growing missional communities planted and growing, branching and multiplying in the region of Naples and beyond. Truly a body of believers that has a clear mission and a strategic vision to do their part in fulfilling the great commission. This requires small groups to be united in vision and purpose to missionally engage with their neighborhoods. This small group discipleship is exactly what God began laying on our heart for ministry over a year ago, and at Il Faro we have the chance to jump in and do just that.

We are so excited to have found the "team" with the like minded vision and mission that we have been praying for. We are acutely aware of what a phenomenal sending church, supporters and agency we are blessed with, truly equipping, releasing, guarding and supporting us. We are so thankful for all the prayers and the Sovereign Hand that have brought our boat safe to shore at the foot of The Lighthouse at the end of Nomad's Land.

What's Not to Love?

It’s easy to struggle against and mourn what you’ve lost, and when you leave your home, job, country, church and friends, you lose a lot. What a wonderful discipline it is to practice gratitude for the things you’ve gained. Here are ten things I love about life in Lesina.

1. The climate.  (I might not say this in July and early August). In the morning I do school on the patio and the air is a perfect 20 degrees at 9 am. In the evening I sit out again and pop off an email or two at about the same temp. 

2. No bugs. Well, people continue to say there are, but for a Canadian this is like NO bugs.  

  

3. Fresh Mozzarella. Made daily, squishy, juicy, tasty, 13 euros per kilo mozzarella made from the milk of the water buffalo. The parmigiana and other aged cheeses are nothing to scoff at either.

4. Gelato Artigianiato.  Fresh daily as well; creamy, incomparably rich ice cream. A Sunday afternoon tradition for our family.

5. Pane.  Made to order daily, pick up at 8:00 am just around the corner, still warm from the oven, 2 euro for a round half kilo loaf of soft whole wheat.  Also known as "Breakfast".

6. The produce (I know, I know, there seems to be a food theme going on here). It is so fun for me to go downstairs, run across the street and gather my produce (which again is delivered fresh daily) for the day’s meals. The butcher cuts your cuts for you, the fish market gives you clams still in the shell for 2 euros per kilo. 

7. The products.  Italians like quality and it shows in the products.  I have never had such streak free windows or shiny chrome with minimal effort.

8. The market.  Once a week vendors set up along the avenue by the lake and you can find all matter of clothing, material, shoes, household products, curtains, linens, produce, even furniture for amazing prices. So fun to shop in the open air under canvas canopies.

9. The culture. I love that wherever I go all the little businesses are family owned and operated.  Brothers, Mothers, Fathers, Sons. The butchers, the bakers, the farm fresh Cheese-makers, the old dad alongside his two handsome sons at the shoe stall in the market.   Italians are super social and they are never in a hurry.  Everyone is friendly, and loves to talk. Sure, sometimes they like to be dramatic, but it’s fun to engage rather than walk around in your own little bubble. It makes one feel alive, warm, and connected. I love it and it is so conducive to ministry.

10. The vista.  I will never tire of olive groves,  poppy fields (or poppy-pops as Nicholas calls them), vineyards, shorelines, cobblestone streets, balconies cascading with vines and blossoms.  It’s not all romance and beauty; there is plenty of garbage, graffiti and dilapidation mixed in so as to create a Beauty and the Beast contrast. But mix it all up; the good, the beautiful and the ugly, the people, flavors, sights and experiences and you will find yourself smiling and asking, “What’s not to love?”

Shifting Sand

Looking back at the heavy fog that was our walking weather for most of the duration of our journey until now I almost miss it. It was comforting in some way. It muffled one’s senses and made it so that all I could focus on was the One who was going before me and beckoning “follow.” Now that we have come out into the open on the other side of the pass, I feel myself almost shrinking back at the glaring brightness of reality.  Here we are, with the panorama of our future stretching out in front of us in all its stark clarity, and frankly, it’s a little overwhelming.

I grew up a small town country girl in the mountains and loved to explore the piney recesses on horseback. Then I married and we made our home in the prairies where I grew to love the wide open spaces and the gentle landscape of planting, crops and harvest. Mountains are solid, strong and bold, the prairies are steady, sure and simple. Here, I feel as though we have stepped off of  sure, dependable terrain and are wading through sand, the deep soft  kind that pulls you in and makes you slip always to one side as you go, stretching muscles in your legs you never even knew you had.

I didn’t imagine it would be like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I had some romantic notion of what life would be like here that doesn’t line up with reality.  I knew, we knew… we KNOW very well the reality of life here.  Maybe that is what makes it so hard right out of the starting gate.  Maybe if we weren’t so keenly aware of deep rooted traditions, culture, reality, we would be cushioned by a little of that honeymoon phase. But of course all that would result from that would be a delay in the crash, and sometimes those delays make you come down harder than ever.  No, I wouldn’t pick that if I had the choice.

In a way, we are both experiencing the phenomenon of what is called “re-entry” in missionary vocabulary.  We are coming back to a culture we once were part of only to realize we are no longer part of it and never will be part of it the way we once were again. The things that have happened to make us no longer part of it are rich experiences and lessons that of course no one else has shared or can relate to and because of that you are an oddity. We both went through this when we left the ship and went back to our respective home countries 20 years ago, then again when we moved to Italy in 2000, then again when we moved to Canada in 2004 and now, oh yay, we get to live it all over again.

This phenomenon of being a cultural oddity has a word in missionary vocabulary, too.  It is called “third culture”. You come from one culture with its own unique shape and characteristics and you find yourself seeking to integrate in a new culture that has a completely different shape and characteristics .  Visualize Canadian culture as a square and Italian culture as a circle, and of course right away the old adage “square peg in a round hole” sums it up well.  When you first find yourself being torn out of one culture and dropped into another, it is inevitable that you feel keenly the jut of the angles that  are in juxtaposition to the shape your own life has taken.

In Canada we complain about the busy parking lot at Costco, having eight people in line in front of us at the till, the road conditions, computerized telephone services. Here, you can call a company or even the immigration office every five minutes all day long and never get an answer, and , surprise, surprise, no answering machine message to even try to glean information from if you wanted to.  Oh, and don’t expect anything to make sense.  If immigration says on the sign by the gate that their opening hours are from 8:30 am to 1:00 pm you would imagine you could drive the hour or more to their office any time between those hours and expect to be served right?  Wrong. 

What you won’t know and can’t know  unless someone gives you the personal cell phone number of someone on the inside who can tell you how to go about successfully applying for residency, is that you need to be in line by 8:30 when they open the gate because they will allow 70 people in and then close the gate and that is it.  Those 70 people get to go inside and spend their morning hoping and waiting to be seen.  We were the third people in line, and guess what they did, as we went through the gate, they checked and stacked our passports from the bottom up, so the first person in line was the last one to be served, meaning we were there by quarter to eight, waited till quarter to 12 and got out of there at quarter to one. Because two people who could only type with two fingers did both the gate processing and the paperwork processing inside.  Oh and good thing you thought of the right questions to ask that person with the cell phone because they would have forgotten to tell you what documents to bring and you would have had to go away and return and rewait three or four different times to procur the list of documents and photos and photocopies they require. Because they won't give you a paper that lists them, they will tell you when they get to that part of your processing that you need to go and come back when you have such and such.  And next time the same. Words can not begin to describe the insanity of the lack of system.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, be prepared to spend at LEAST two hours waiting to, and then filling out paper work.  And I am not kidding.  Just to open an account at the post office yesterday we spent two and a half hours with TWO people taking down our information, every single personal piece of information you could possibly fathom, including places of birth, the equivalent of our SIN numbers, identity card AND passport numbers, I can’t even remember what all, and just like in hospitals back home, they don’t just ask you these questions once but you go through a series of questions for one form and then repeat and repeat the same information at least four times to get through four different forms that are about four pages long each. We must have each had to sign our names about twelve times to complete the paperwork for our account.

The same was true for getting insurance for our van and ordering our kitchen from Ikea.  Truly, it is almost frightening.  Every move you make requires almost every possible piece of information about your identity.  Why in heaven’s name  Ikea needs to know where we were born is truly beyond me, but I think it’s because there are 60 million people in this country and identity and possible mixup between the 20,000 Giovanni Macarone’s  is an issue.   All this to say, with there being so much paperwork for us to go through this first month and the fact that you need to wait in line for at LEAST half an hour here wherever you go, often an hour or more, it has been exhausting and time consuming.

And then there’s the kids. Doing this as forty something, conscious and seasoned adults is one thing, and by no means a small thing. We have six beautiful, sensitive, amazingly tender children in our care and keeping who have stepped into the sand with us. Yeah we know they have a bit of the honeymooner in them. Especially since they love sand.  But sand can get old when it gets into your comfy shoes and rubs along your tender skin, when it blows into your eyes and you weren’t prepared to shield them with your hand, when it’s so hot it scalds you feet.  They are experiencing that too.

Italians are nothing if they aren’t opinionated and comfortable stating those opinions as fact. Because to them, their opinions are fact. So wherever we go we get two reactions without fail.  1. We are wonderful 2. We are crazy.  Italians are drawn to our family, the number of kids, the way they play together, take care of each other, their manners and our closeness as a family unit. It is wonderful  and rare in their eyes.  But it is so foreign to them, and their immediate response is one of concern for our kids.  Why would you bring them here?  Why would you uproot them from a safe, comfortable, secure, wonderful life in Canada and come to this? How will they survive being ripped from a 5 bedroom house in the country and crammed into a two bedroom apartment on a main drag?

We know very well what they mean by “this”. Especially here in the south. Wherever we look we see situations that make you catch your breath.  It’s not apparent on the surface but the reality of people’s coffers and scraping by day to day is inevitable when your only prospect is to take a temporary job planting tomatoes or else start learning German in the hopes of getting a job in a country that actually has a thriving economy. We know people who are doing both.  And yet when I hear these concerns over and over I have to say in my head, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”  For how the enemy would love to use these words and concerns to plant fear and anxiety in my life in regards to our children.

So here we are, wading through shifting sand, catching our bearings and our breath, taking in the cacophony of new sights and sounds (and it really is a cacophony) and seeking to do it with grace, and hope and joy, which are the things we most want to represent here.  And when our footing seems unsure, which is with most every step, we have a sure hand to hold and we are learning to cling to it and find comfort and strength in this one sure thing, that “when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”

Goodbye Chrysalis

"We cannot become what we need to by remaining what we are." Max De Pree

There comes a day in the life of the caterpillar where something changes. They are no longer compelled to go about their daily business of inching along and endlessly consuming verdant fodder to appease their own appetite. They are beckoned by something deep within to do something different. They abandon the previous patterns of their existence and willfully submit themselves to the velvety blackness and desperately tight confines of the chrysalis.

This is a scary place for someone who likes wide open spaces.  For someone who likes light and beauty, breath and LIFE.  Life doesn't happen in the cocoon.  It is transformed there. Painfully and dramatically transformed.  The caterpillar essentially is reduced to liquid during metomorphosis. And it is only when everything it has ever held dear has been reduced to mush and then buffetted by hard wind that it experiences reformation into all things new.

We have been liquefied. We have submitted ourselves to that dark time of waiting on transformation. And now, we can feel it. That moment where the first hairline fracture appears and the idea of light and air, future and hope are just one fragile layer away from our senses. In a few days time we will give one last weak push against these brittle strands, step forward in fragility and vulnerability, changed. No longer to inch along in our own little world of self preservation, but to fly forward, wings unfurled into the garden of the world to alight and land, alight and land, leaving paths of pollen wherever we go,

Goodbye Chrysalis.  You have done your work and now it is time for us to do ours.

An Unexpected Journey

I feel like Bilbo.  The opening scene finds us skipping around our little shire, happy as larks, eating, drinking and being (generally speaking) merry.  Yet the prologue to this story has already revealed that we are being invited on an unexpected journey.  Just like Bilbo's companions, we received this "invitation" that really left us more in the dark than informed at first.  You have read the prologue, a month has past, and the introduction is now being written, right before our eyes, and we would like to share.

When I wrote my last note, "Prologue Revisited", I really told you everything we knew.  That our family felt we were receiving an invitation to "pack the necessities" in essence, and get ready for an unexpected (and completely unknown) journey.  In the past month, our story has continued to unravel, sometimes gently rolling, sometimes with almost supersonic intensity.  I would like to share with you the introduction to our story.

It begins with me hitting send on "Prologue Revisited" but in order to tell you that beginning I need to tell you a little flashback.  When we felt that God was inviting us to "Get Ready", we both felt without a shadow of a doubt that that was to get the farm ready for sale.  In discussing it, although we were both in agreement, we wanted to lay out a fleece of confirmation and invite God to boost or seal this conviction in our hearts and minds.  We love this farm and wouldn't give it up if we weren't sure He was asking us to and had a plan for our lives.  The fleece that we laid before Him was that if He wanted us to sell the house, that He would orchestrate it as such so that when word got out that we were preparing to sell, people would come to us and tell us that they wanted to buy our farm, without us even having to list it.   We weren't thinking quickly, we thought maybe, possibly God might bring an interested party to approach us next year, which is how long we knew it would take us to get our house ready for sale.

Within a minute or so of posting my "Prologue Revisited" note on FB I received a private message.  This message in essence said, "if and when you move, we are interested in buying your property, please let us know."  Um... okay, that was a confirmation for us that we were moving in the right direction.  But of course we are humans, going in blind and so we continued to lay fleece after fleece before God asking Him to continue to give us signs of how to proceed here.  The next was in the area of our finances.  Looking at how God has blessed us and given us equity in this property and through other financial means that is so beyond anything we could have contrived ourselves (we call Him our great Equity Manager), we feel that He has given us this capital not for us to "enjoy" but as an investment to fund our lives and work in the future.  But we are not business people, and stocks and bonds and all that jazz make our eyes glaze over.  So our next fleece was to lay our capital (or what will be our capital once we sell and pool our investments and savings) before Him and ask Him to show us how it can be used to generate income for our future.

That second week after writing "Prologue Revisited" we were with friends who are savvy business people who also have a complete heart for using their business to generate income for God's work.  When we shared our current stage of waiting on God they were both very of one mind of exactly how we could use that money to generate income.  With their help they laid out a plan of how they could be part of managing this plan in a way that as long as our capital remained in industry, we would be able to make a regular salary that would go very far in paying for our monthly expenses whatever we end up doing.  

With that duck in a row, three weeks after writing Prologue Revisited we then were able to say, God... where are you taking us?  What's the plan here?  What are you asking from us and how are we going to get prepared and ensure we have the tools to do the good works that you have prepared in advance for us to do?  Within days of praying that prayer, Coen and Suria Scholtz arrived in our little rural farming community, 2 miles up the road with two daughters that just hit it off like lemon and merengue with my girls.  As we spent a weekend listening to Coen and Suria share their stories and their passion, we were butter in their hands.  A couple that also left everything to follow a call that they didn't know where it would lead, but it has led them to amazing heights of service and blessing.  Not only did I love their stories, but I loved their persona's.  Both Pietro and I looked at each other as we drove away and for the first time in our lives we felt like we had "seen Jesus" with skin on.  They awoke a fire and a passion so deep in us that as our pastor said recently, it was like a burning bush on the prairie.  

Coen talks about "putting your yes on the table" to be part of God's plan.  We both said, Coen our yes is on the table but we don't know who or what we are saying yes to.  We know that God is telling us to get ready but we don't know what He is telling us to get ready for.  We have figurative tickets in hand to get on the train, but we don't know the destination.  In talking with us and hearing our life long passions, strengths and weaknesses both Coen and Suria urged us to come to Zambia and receive leadership training under a man named Christopher Agenbag.  They spoke so highly of his influence in their own lives that we were like, if this man impacted your life and ministry, sign us up.  Amazingly, because Africa was never on our radar and even when we went home, both thinking without a shadow of a doubt that this is what we were going to do, there was a lot of raw emotion as well, because we are quite seasoned travelers, but Africa is a whole nuther story.  And going there with 6 children takes it to a whole new level. 

Last Sunday after google searches and you tube videos we sent an email off to a few key people in our lives, asking them what they thought of this.  One of these people was Mike Hack, in Africa.  That night when we went to bed, I was all of a sudden hit by the realization that we were talking about selling everything, packing up 8 suitcases and moving to Africa for six months to receive leadership training for..... we didn't know what.  That made me break out in a cold sweat.  So then I started to pray, saying "God... is that what you are asking us to do?  Walk into this blind?  Take a wild leap of faith and just trust that you have a plan and you will reveal it when the timing is right?  If that is what you are asking from us, God, then please give us the courage and faith to do it.  But if it's not.... that would be really great.  If it's not, could you please show us what we are getting ready for?"

I fell asleep with these prayers tumbling around in my head, and in the morning when I woke up and turned off the alarm on my phone, there was a message from Mike.  "Yes!!!!"  he said.  "Do it!!!  Christopher is the best of the best, we all learn so much from him, and when he is done with you I have a job for you."  He went on to explain that he has a heart to see a similar training centre to what Christopher runs in Zambia (but it services all of South Africa) set up at the OM base in Italy to service the entire Mediterranean region.  OM Italy recently took over a beautiful centre in the North of Italy (I will post a link at the end of this note) and has the vision for mobilizing missionaries to go out into the Meditteranean but needs manpower.  And needs manpower that is equipped and wired to understand the culture.  

We both just looked at each other with eyes wide and hearts saying.... "of course."  I mean, the puzzle pieces just all fell into place and the picture became crystal clear.  And for the first time pure excitement charged us.  I mean there was always a little element of excitement but mostly overwhelmed by a whole lot of other not so positive emotions, mostly related to fear of the unknown, but THIS?   We were MADE for this.  

This is not the end of the story, the pace did not slow down after this but the week continued to unravel with machine gun fire intensity as Mike says.  But I will share "the rest of the story" for another day.  Today I just felt if I didn't start to tell the story, it would run away on me and I would never be able to do it justice.  And we need your prayers as we move forward through this obstacle course of preparation.  It seems like each day the timeline shrinks and and the list of things to consider grows.  We find ourselves routinely feeling a bit paralyzed about how we are going to get "from here to there".  So we would love to invite you to be part of praying us through!  

Ways that you can support us today.  Pietro is meeting with his department this morning first thing.  Maybe as we speak.  He needs to give a sort of notice without being able to give an exact notice.  Please pray for a good communication on his part, and favor and blessing from his boss.  They are hiring and training one employee to take Joe's place which has been recently vacated, the suggestion will be to hire two people and Pietro can train them both, one to replace Joe and one to replace himself.

Tonight we will be meeting with the Evangelism and Missions Committee to share our story and request the blessing and support of Salem Church in this endeavor.  

Please pray for continued clarity to hear and see and know how we are to move forward each step of the way.  There are so many decisions to be made and things to be done that as I said, it can be a bit paralyzing.  And the pace of the story is such that I do believe I will be writing alot more frequently :)

Love you all and thanks for being part of our story.  Check out the OM Italy base here;