Whither Then? I Cannot Say.

When I first began blogging about our faith and ministry journey over four years ago, I was reading the Hobbit to my boys. So many parallels gripped me that I called this blog "The Road to Middle Earth"; Middle Earth being the English transliteration of "Mediterranean". The picture on my blog header was a backdrop for the Tolkien quote I chose as my heading:

My blogging changed themes shortly after we arrived on the field and it became Stones in the Road, based on a favorite Steve Bell song of mine. Its purpose has been to testify to God's goodness and faithfulness along the way. He has been so good. He has been so faithful. And we have no doubt that good and faithful He will be.

At the time of choosing the Tolkien quote early on in our journey, it was the first part that really resonated with me. Now, it is the last line. The last line really says it all when it comes to our current reality. Wither then? I cannot say.

In just under one month we will be shipping our belongings to Canada. We know the province. That is about all we know. A few months ago we thought we had a pretty good idea of how to work this all out in a way that made sense to us. Since Pietro wants to take preaching, leadership and counseling classes at seminary, and our oldest daughter is beginning college on the same campus this fall, we could help cut living expenses for her by moving there for the next four years, be part of a small christian community where our younger kids could attend christian school and Pietro could find work in nearby Moose Jaw (we had a few leads at that time) while fitting studies around work. We could picture this nice, neat package that seemed a wonderful fit for all of our family's needs.

The job possibilities were closed doors. Housing has been CLEAR closed doors. Caronport High School is actually a private school and therefore any expenses we could have helped reduce for Shailey would be eaten up by private school tuition for our other kids. And so we are left questioning our nice, neat, four year plan and learning to say, "If not this, wither then....?" and learning to drift on the current of "I cannot say".

We feel like this is another big "Wait For It" moment in our lives and this time I am really trying to do better, to not wrestle through it like a caterpillar trying to break from the cocoon before its time. I still find myself wriggling at times, but I catch myself and still myself, and find my rest in the flow of the current better than I have in the past.

One open door we have seen is the provision of a  pre-approved mortgage despite the fact that we have no job security (yet). Not only that, it provides us with maximum flexibility (pay as often as you can and as much as you want, or don't pay at all and they will collect interest from our church building project investments at the end of the year). This has been a miraculous answer to prayer, because the honest truth is that with the largest portion of our money from the sale of the farm tied up in our home church building project until 2030, with no job prospects and no income, we definitely don't fit ANY of the standard criteria for a mortgage! But God opened that door so wide for us, in a way that was far beyond anything we would have ever dreamed or asked. So when God does reveal the "whither then", we will be able to move expediently to secure housing!

Until then, He has provided us with a place to stay in our home town of Waldheim until the first week of August (barring the 14-24th of June, if you know of a place we could crash during that period that would be another answer to prayer) and He has given us more confidence in being able to say the words (and be content in saying them): "I cannot say." Where will you be living? I cannot say. What will you be doing? I cannot say. Where will your kids be going to school? I cannot say. What are your plans for the future? I cannot say. The one thing we can say with complete confidence is that although we do not know WHAT the future holds, we know WHO holds the future.

We have had a lot of questions about Pietro's plans for seminary, and what our long term plans are and even those have become increasingly "we cannot say". We do feel increasingly that it is a time in life where we must show care and concern for our kids emotional, educational and social needs, and we do see providing stability and opportunity for them as a large priority for the next ten years until the youngest one comes of age. Since financially it will not be saving us money to live in Caronport, and since doors are not opening in Caronport area for employment and since employment is going to be the important clincher for location, we feel that once the other details of our lives fall together, we will see if, how and when Pietro can fit a class or two a year around holidays and in his spare time through the modular courses offered at Briercrest.

And what about Italy, you ask? We cannot say. Although the dream and the willingness is there if and when God were to open the door in the future for us to return, we have been cautioned and have come to a feeling of conviction we are NOT to put any timeline, or even a definitive stamp of self assurance on our return to Italy at this point. By no longer trying to force a timeline of our own devising, we can focus on living fully in the next chapter of life to continue serving, growing, learning and living out our mission wherever (and for however long) God deems fit to plant us.

Please pray with us that we would continue to have absolute confidence in God's plan and provision for our family, when it comes to our community, our home, our employment, our continued formation and "place in His plan". We might not be able to say "wither then" but we can confidently say, "wherever and whatever lies ahead of us, we know Who goes before us, we know Who stands behind: the God of angel armies is always by our side!

Patchwork Pieces

One of the biggest challenges that I have personally grappled with over the past four years is a paradox between desiring to be directed by God, and the need to, in a way, "have a plan"- to present to our agency, sending church and partners. In order to do the second, you need to try to discern the first, but pressure often leads you to feel the need to have this upfront, in advance of when it is revealed. While we have found that the discipline of setting and holding ourselves accountable to our ministry vision, mission and objectives have helped keep us focused and protected us from being pulled in any and every direction, they also, due to our own shortcomings, have taken on a life of their own that can very easily distract us from that open 'unknowing and watching' to be merely participants in what God is doing.

In my quiet time this morning I was given the picture of a patchwork quilt. So many pieces to sort through, to cut to size, to fit together, and to stitch together one edge at a time. Within a quilt there are patterns of patches that are designed to fit against one another, working together to merge into a whole. What washed over my heart is that I am not the quilter in the story of my life. We are not the pattern setters in the story of our comings, our goings, our direction, our final pattern. God is. I am the quilt in progress. And my life is made up of a million circumstances and details, colors and patterns. Why is it, that even knowing this, so many times in the daily grind I want to be the one to design this story, to bring the pieces together and see it take shape. Or, in moments of conviction, I realize that this is not my place; but still I strain mentally to try to discern the pattern emerging from the pieces. Like a child looking at an optical puzzle, so often I make out a picture hidden within the picture while missing the big picture completely. 

A dear friend told me yesterday "I feel like I am a number of steps behind in following your journey" to which I replied, 'No, more likely just finding it hard to keep step.' Because as we try to find our way forward, I can honestly say my own steps are faltering at best and at worst I expend a lot of energy pointlessly breaking bush that God has not yet bulldozed before us. So how can I do merit to that in a ministry letter? Sometimes long stretches go buy where I ask myself, "What can I say? We need to say something. We need a plan. We need a goal. We need answers. Well friends, it's easy to make a plan. Especially if you love to plan and dream and pursue dreams. It's a lot harder to just let the pieces of your life take shape as the Master stitches away one piece at a time.

Do you want to know the real, messy, vulnerable truth? As much as we would like to, as much as we have strived to, we realize with increasing humility that we don't know for sure what our future holds. We have felt obliged to 'have a plan' for the sake of our partners, we have sought to piece the patches together as best we can fathom, but the honest truth is we are probably doing an infantile job of it. Living in confidence of the Who and the What and the Why rather than the Where, the When, and the How, this is the discipline we are being challenged to learn. 

We have seen how God sewed the pieces of our past and our last four years together to do something beautiful within us, we do believe without any doubt this was His perfect timing and plan for us. Now He is picking up different pieces, new pieces, old pieces you might even say, and continuing to work this unique pattern of our story that is rich with two worlds, two cultures, two places. But we can't be in two places at once. We can only be in one stitch in time and live fully in the moment.  

Yesterday I was hit with the realization that, while not resisting or rebelling against the pattern that is shaping around our lives, I have not been embracing what God has next.  I have been trying to just skip jump it and live in the dream of where it will lead. Which, if I am going to apply this lesson,  I need to learn to say were it might lead. Living in the future is as futile as living in the past; I can only live fully present in the next moment. Because the next is the now, and the now is all we have. And so I fight all that is in me to stop trying to piece together the patches. To try to see my part as becoming nothing but thread, nothing but present and pliable in the hand of the Master Quilter who is stitching something bigger than I can see from my vantage point. To be present in the moment of one single stitch in time and to trust that He is creating something beautiful.

'Our lives are like patchwork quilts. When we view the pieces of our lives- joys, sorrows, health, illness, marriage, obedient children, willful children- when we can't see the pattern. We're so close to what's happening at the moment that we can't see the whole. But the Master Craftsman, the Ultimate Quilter, Father God, is at work. From our vantage point we can't see that God is creating something beautiful, but He is.' Gwen Ellis, By His Pattern.

Certain of... God

"God speaks in the language you know best— not through your ears, but through your circumstances. God has to destroy our determined confidence in our own convictions. We say, “I know that this is what I should do” — and suddenly the voice of God speaks in a way that overwhelms us by revealing the depths of our ignorance." 

These words by Oswald Chambers hit me right in the feelers this morning. In that gently convicting way that He has, God had already been peeling back layers of my heart to reveal that I do this All. The. Time. And if I am going to get wise I need to Stop. Doing. That.

Here I stand, just over the surprise that there is a switchback in our road that we had not foreseen. Here I stand, having learned enough by this time to gather my bearings relatively quickly (comparatively speaking), lean into the curve and look ahead with expectation to what lies around the bend.  Here I stand, not quite wise enough to stop myself from trying to mentally map out where this is all going and establish a detailed itinerary and ETA for final destination.

Decent pass on the first part of the assignment, miserable fail on the second. I love details, I love planning, dreaming, executing, checking off neat little boxes. Unfortunately those qualities aren't in the least bit compatible with a life of "trust and obey". 

I pray this time I will learn the important difference between expectancy and certainty. I pray this time I will keep my feet moving, but my mind at rest; abandoned to God, engaged in the next step, certain only in He who leads and the knowledge that the journey will be worth every step.

Water From The Rock

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they never lacked for anything. Quail bombarded them from the heavens when they missed meat, daily bread awaited them each morning as they stepped out into the new day, and water gushed from a rock when they were thirsty. Their shoes and clothing never wore out in forty years.

We see the miracles and we think how incredible it all is, and it is. But what a journey in surrender these people were walking! There was no stability except the knowledge that God is faithful, and able, and mighty to save. Yet despite His track record in proving this, we are still sinful, human, fallen creatures who hate it when things are out of our control and there is nothing we can do about it, don't we?

Our journey, too, has been full of incredible Only-God provision moments. We have learned and are learning what it means to live a life of full surrender and trust. We have come a long way, but by no means have we arrived, we probably never will. The spiritual life after all is one of continuous challenge and growth in faith, in surrender and in holiness. No pain, no gain as they say.

So as I lay my stones on the altar and share the highlights of our journey, I also must sometimes take a moment to lay down a stone of burden that we carry, to confess that like Pilgrim, we too sometimes find ourselves with a heavy pack that we must lay down at the cross. So here are my stones, I lay them down, I raise my white flag, I surrender all to Him.

When we first arrived in Italy we were classified as independent contractors for tax purposes. This is because we are not technically "employees" of MSC Canada. This puts us in the worst possible tax bracket in Italy because 1. it does not let us claim any ministry expenses so we must pay full tax on 100% of our income, and 2. it does not allow us to qualify for any benefits at all.

Because of this, we started questioning whether it wouldn't be in our best interests financially to join a paramissionary organization here in Italy that would give us "employee" status to the Italian government. Yes it would cost us a 4% admin fee but that would be made up from the child support checks we would then qualify to receive AND it would allow us to have a separate expense account and therefore lower our income, thus lower our taxes. With the green light from our leadership team in Canada we went ahead with this.

Bureaucracy in Italy is not easily avoided. Complication after complication has met us since we made this switch. Besides the 4% admin fee we need to pay another 6% to make up the "employer contributions", because as a missions agency, they don't have income so of course this money has to come out of the missionaries own support. On top of that, we learned that unlike in Canada, we can not file all our ministry expenses, but only Pietro's portion. So for example, if and when we come home on home assignment we can only claim Pietro's airfare. Also, we won't qualify for child support until NEXT year because LAST year more than 30% of our income was as a non-employed status. Lastly, we just learned this past week that our Italian agency can not pay us more than x number of dollars per month paycheck. About 1,000 euros less than our monthly living expenses. What does this mean? Our income is less, and our expenses are substantially more. So the pressure has mounted and stress has ensued.

Different "solutions" have been presented to us. Our Italian agency can take over our rental contract and utilities and pay them out of our expense account rather than us paying them out of our paycheck, it would still be claimable income, but not funneled through our paycheck (does your head hurt yet, ours does). The problem with this is that to change all our contracts will cost us 1,000 euros and if later we decided to leave the Italian agency it would cost us that much again to change it back. We just did this twice in the past year because of our move. Then we have the looming cost of furlough flights that add another huge expense and yet we know furlough is as much an important part of this journey as getting here was. Do not worry, fear not, be bold and courageous. These are the words that play in our heads and that we try hard (white knuckle hard) to live by.

That's the physical practical explanation of what we are dealing with, mentally  and spiritually we feel like God is challenging us. Convicting us. In a way I feel like Sara when she took matters into her own hands and tried to "help" God fulfill his promise of an heir. God doesn't need our "help" to make things financially feasible any more than He needed Sara to arrange for a roundabout pregnancy. And yet that is what we have been trying to do ever since we got here. Find a  way to "save God" money.

It's a fine line between being a good steward of God's (and your) money and surrendering to God's sovereignty in the desert. A fine line between trying to squeeze water from the rock or trusting in the One who can make it flow.

The Mennonite Game

It’s been an exhausting month for us. I think more exhausting than anything we have experienced thus far, but then again we probably felt that way during every stage. All the hurdles we’ve come up against thus far have been a stretch, but this month was where the rubber of goals really met the road of reality and we found ourselves once again, standing at an intersection with a confusing cacophony of flashing lights, arrows and signs pointing every which way and trying to make sense of where we go from here.

Our main objective in this first year is to connect with as many people in ministry as possible and hear their heart for Italy, understand their ministries and learn from their experiences.  Our heart to see the churches in Italy united in vision and committed in purpose to producing mature and missional disciple makers is affirmed and confirmed wherever we engage.  How best to plug ourselves in to be part of God’s move in this country has been the question we have needed to face and wrestle with.

We could essentially jump in the deep end and start paddling full tilt anywhere, anytime, anyhow; the needs in Italy are that great.  And as much as we are struggling with feelings of frustration as we feel that continuous spiritual check to rein ourselves in and keep “observing and praying and waiting” for our cue we realize that this time of observation and learning is as crucial, if not more so, to our journey as any other stage prior. It’s foundational. 

So here we find ourselves, we have vision, we have passion, but we are essentially still all bunched up in the starting box waiting for the gun to go off and the track  to open up before us.  It's not fun to be fenced up in the starting box people. Minds spinning, chomping at the bit, feet itching to fly. Going over the race in your head and straining to feel that gate open. Yesterday we found ourselves laying on our bed after lunch, mentally numb, feeling like fish out of water, gasping for oxygen when I suddenly said, “Can we go visit _________ church tonight?” and despite the fact that it was an hour away and we were both dog tired Pietro replied with a quick, “Sure.”

All I can say is that from the moment that worship service started until the moment we got in our van to drive away I felt like I was momentarily home, while remaining in Italy. It was surreal. Unexpected tastes of home in the music, the atmosphere, the celebration of the Lord's supper, the one big family feel and get this, that guy bowing his head to pray with the worship leaders before leading us in worship….we find out later is an American MENNONITE missionary! This is what I refer to as a God wink and one can only chuckle at the thought of God looking down and smiling on my sheer delight.

Even better than God’s sense of humor is His divine orchestrations. And this is where the stone for my altar comes in. When we got home Pietro texted the pastor of the church (who wasn’t there because he is on holiday) and told him what a blessing it had been to worship with his flock.  This guy responds by telling us that JUST THAT AFTERNOON he had been with another Mennonite missionary (who we met briefly, like literally for five minutes at a church fellowship conference a few months ago) and that they had prayed specifically for us. We have had no contact with either of these people for months, and only a few minutes of contact even then, but GOD put us on their hearts to pray for us, and I believe GOD put it on our hearts at precisely that same moment as a result of those prayers to connect with them.

I can't keep from smiling that this Saskatchewan family serving in the brethren bible belt just got to play a round of the Mennonite game in Italy.

Edited to add: for any who may be scratching their heads wondering what our Mennonite connection is, it is merely this; I (Nichole) was fostered by Mennonites and Pietro and I have spent the past 10 years living in a predominantly Mennonite community in a predominantly Mennonite province and our sending church, while not being a Mennonite church is nonetheless largely made up of.... Mennonites :)

Waxworks

I remember a breakthrough moment I had in my past, when six months into life with our fourth child I thought every cry for food in the middle of the night was the cry that would undo me.  I remember crying and crying and waking up with audible pleas on my tongue begging God to give me rest.  

Pietro gently encouraged me to change the focus of my prayer. To stop praying for the change of the outward circumstance but to pray for God to give me the strength and endurance and patience necessary to rise to the task and to get through the next day and the next, and the next. 

Maybe the greater miracle is not the answer to ones prayer for the change of circumstances, but the work that God does within when the circumstances don’t change. When the going is tough and the obstacles are many and I am tired and unraveled and realize there are only two ways this can go. The same sun that melts the wax can harden clay. 

When the heat is up and the pressure is on, I can be melted like wax and allow myself to be molded into whatever shape He chooses to pour me into, something He guarantees will be good and lovely and of benefit to Him.  Or I can dry up into an unpliable, twisted, gnarled vessel of hardened clay, prone to crack and shatter when battered. 

I am prone to harden, but I hate the cold, rough brittleness of dried clay.  Oh, I want to learn to melt into something soft, warm and pliable. To learn in the melting that circumstances should not and could not sway my resolve to pursue a life filled with grace, peace, joy , patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control by God’s grace at work in me. That these characteristics can become fragrant essential oils stirred into the mix of me plus my circumstances plus my response to equal under the craftsmanship of His hand  a waxwork that is far bigger and better and more beautiful  than life as I currently know it.

Wait For It

Our first job upon arrival in Italy was to start the hunt for a family vehicle. Our prayers in that regard had begun well before departure.  At home we came up with a list of particulars and Pietro shared them with his men's group a few nights before we left.  We even went so far as to pick a color, you know... to narrow the field if you will.  So the list went like this: 2010 or newer, 100,000 kms or less, diesel, standard, 9 passenger with rear double doors , 11,000 euro or less, grey/silver in color.  As the week progressed I also added a deadline to the list, my birthday, Friday, March 27th. At first I really felt kind of odd about being so precise about our request.  Like, were we pushing it? My devotional reading for that morning, right after I finished wrestling with Him in prayer about this literally knocked the wind right out of me;

"I am a God of both intricate detail and overflowing abundance. When you entrust the details of your life to Me, you are surprised by how thoroughly I answer your petitions. I take pleasure in hearing your prayers, so feel free to bring Me all your requests. The more you pray the more answers you can receive. Best of all, your faith is strengthened as you see how precisely I respond to your specific prayers. Because I am infinite in all My ways, you need not fear that I will run out of resources. Abundance is at the very heart of who I am. come to Me in joyful expectation of receiving all you need, and sometimes much more! I delight in showering blessings on My beloved children. Come to Me with open hands and heart, ready to receive all I have for you." Jesus Calling, March 23

Despite these words of assurance and promise the days went by and we found ourselves increasingly nervous as we widened our search by large margins on all criteria and did not succeed in finding anything that had two of these items combined. We searched day and night online all over the country and came up with nothing. As the story goes, these vans are snatched up to be used as rentals, or purchased by sports teams for team transport. Everywhere we went we heard the same words... "dificile trovare" "difficult to find".

The harder they said it was the harder we looked and the more frustrated we were. We felt like God was saying, "Wait for it".  but our humanness and need to "do" something kept popping up like a die hard jack-in-the-box. Another timely devotional clinched it for us.

"Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting me with every fiber of your being instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live, all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties. I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me. Renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of my continual presence. Waiting on me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of joy." Jesus Calling, March 26th

It's kind of funny because we ask ourselves what waiting on the Lord looks like.  I mean, if you don't go to a dealer, or make phone calls, or do internet searches, is someone just going to come and ring your doorbell and offer to sell you the vehicle you need? Ha! So here is how our story goes. We were at the apartment of friends in Florence for lunch. Their upstairs neighbor came down to greet us briefly before going out to run some errands. Since he used to work for Fiat our hosts told him that we were on the hunt for a van and he made a few calls, but the usual replies. Difficult. An hour or so later the doorbell rings and he is standing there with his son in law who tells us if we want, he will sell his Fiat van to us.  We asked him how much he wanted and he said "Well, I have no idea, I had no intention of selling it."

Scratching our heads and smiling strangely we go off  to look at the van and it is a September 2010 model, 98,000 kms, diesel standard 9 passenger with rear double doors, he offered it to us for 10,500 euro and.... dark gray.  God literally brought the owner of this van that met every single one of our criteria to the door of a house where we only happened to be visiting for a few hours. All we had to do was..... wait for it.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

I've never really identified with Martha in the whole "too busy to sit at the feet of Jesus" role. For the most part I am a Mary through and through...not so caught up in the works of my hands as I am drawn to the "matters of the heart".

That said, life can run away with me, too and I can get lost in the details as easily as the next gal. This week I found myself smack dab in Martha's walking shoes, with her working apron tied in a fierce double knot and my sleeves rolled up for business. I feel a bit like the woman from that wartime poster with the bandana on her head, her sleeves rolled up, flexing her bicep and grunting: "we can do it!" as a result of the vast amount of focus and foresight it takes to organize oneself for an international move and a complete change of lifestyle.

We've got new patterns to learn, old baggage to dispose of, a house to show, things to sell, papers to sign, plans to make, and all that on top of a regular life of classes, work, schedules, groceries, laundry, doctors and dentists, activities and service. Surely it's enough to keep one on one's toes... or as I sometimes feel, like my feet don't quite ever touch the ground.

It does take a degree of administrative, managerial, project focused attention to detail to keep up, never mind stay on top of the craziness that is our existence. And responsibility of course demands an element of focus and commitment to ensure we keep moving forward and don't lose sight of the goal.

BUT.  and that is a BIG but... it can so easily create a whirlwind of activity and fog that results in complete loss of focus on "the better portion". Of being robbed of time with and focus on the person and plans of JESUS, the focus of what this is all about in the first place.

This week I found myself preoccupied like Martha... pressured like Martha.... harried like Martha. Like the white rabbit in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland I was "oh dear"ing myself through my days as I rushed through the corridoors of life feeling them close in on me as the pressures increased in relation to my pace. With all this rushing and planning and constant checking and shaking of my wristwatch I rushed headlong past the room and person that beckoned for my time and attention. Not the Queen of Hearts in this case, but the King of MY heart.

God has the greatest ways of getting our attention. I can't help but chuckle at how He orchestrates things to stop us in our tracks even when we are plowing along, chins tucked to our chests and arms wrapped tightly around our clipboards. He knows how to put a pothole or barricade in the way that sends it all flying and get us to look up even if it means from a flat on our back position.

This week I had a constant still small voice gently reminding me to "slow down and look up" but I kept shrugging it off and barreling full speed ahead. Things were becoming increasingly frustrating for me. I would spend hours marketing quads and vehicles on the buy and sells and nothing was moving. I almost couldn't GIVE away things that should have been easy sells. Hundreds of messages and calls testified to the fact that the price was right and the item desirable but never resulted in a sale. Not even a reasonable offer. Nada..  until, that is, of course, I yielded to that steady patient voice telling me to slow down... well actually it was even more than that, it had escalated to a very clear "STOP!", and look up.

I can be silly with God sometimes. I admit it. In hindsight I have to laugh at myself.  Here God is showing me that I am being a Martha, concerned and distracted by many things, and there I stand with the telltale suds on my arms, pushing my hair back out of my eyes and wiping the sweat off my brow and as good as sighing, "God... you just don't get it...  this is how you sell things, God... somebody's gotta do it."

In that moment I literally had this overpowering magnetic draw that stopped me in my tracks and drew me to my quiet place and had me open The Book of Truth and feed on the Bread of Life and this is what my meal consisted of;

"Anyone who intends to come with Me has to let Me lead.  You are not in the driver's seat.  I am."  Mark 8:35-36 paraphrased

And that was just the intro. Excerpt from my devotional book: "You will not find my peace by engaging in excessive planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief. When your mind spins with multiple plans peace will always elude you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion. I did not design the human mind to figure out the future.  That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of peace."

You can imagine how that got my attention. And then I yielded like butter. I handed into His care the items on my list that had been frustrating me and literally said; "God. I put you in charge of selling this quad. And my table. And the truck. And I had uploaded pictures of our trailer the night before that I had been planning on marketing that day and I yielded that and said "God, I won't even MARKET the trailer."  I'm letting it go and I'm sitting here at your feet Jesus. I hear you."

Two hours later I had people show up to view the farm. As I was showing them around the yard I pulled up the shop door and there sat the accursed quad that should have been such an easy sale. "Oh look," says the woman. "Wouldn't this be perfect for my son!"  I jokingly replied, "It's for sale... $1,000.00."  "SOLD!" says she. Seriously. Just like that.  Didn't even fire up the engine, just wrote the check.

Then there was the story of my antique marble table, shipped from Italy, that I couldn't sell or give away for a fraction of its cost. As I was praying the other day I got this thought in my head. I willingly paid $600.00 for the table and chairs that was what I wanted for my family. Somebody would pay $600.00 for this table and chairs and it would be exactly what they had been looking for.  You have to understand I had tried to sell it for $150 without success. And I felt absolute peace that I was supposed to put it on kijiji for $600.00 in order to cover the cost of the table and chairs I had purchased. Almost immediately I got a call from a young lady who could not believe the deal on this table. It was what she had been looking for to match some other Italian pieces she had bought at an auction and she was beside herself. SOLD. She actually texted me AFTER delivery to tell me how beside herself she was about this table and how she would cherish it for years and was thanking, thanking, thanking me as though I had given her the table for free. It was surreal.

Driving the table into the city with friends along for the ride we are pulling the trailer that I did not advertise. Our friend says, "Hey bro, are you going to be selling this trailer?" I sat facing straight forward, already anticipating what was coming. A yes from my husband, a price thrown out and one word from the back seat. You guessed it.... SOLD!

I know I still have a lot to learn as we journey this path... but as I fumble along through these tests I am grateful for a Teacher with such a sense of humor, and who knows how to engage me and bring the lessons home for me. I would so much rather sit at his feet and listen to Him than run around like a chicken with my head cut off... God help me take off the apron and pull up my stool.