Whither Then? I Cannot Say.

When I first began blogging about our faith and ministry journey over four years ago, I was reading the Hobbit to my boys. So many parallels gripped me that I called this blog "The Road to Middle Earth"; Middle Earth being the English transliteration of "Mediterranean". The picture on my blog header was a backdrop for the Tolkien quote I chose as my heading:

My blogging changed themes shortly after we arrived on the field and it became Stones in the Road, based on a favorite Steve Bell song of mine. Its purpose has been to testify to God's goodness and faithfulness along the way. He has been so good. He has been so faithful. And we have no doubt that good and faithful He will be.

At the time of choosing the Tolkien quote early on in our journey, it was the first part that really resonated with me. Now, it is the last line. The last line really says it all when it comes to our current reality. Wither then? I cannot say.

In just under one month we will be shipping our belongings to Canada. We know the province. That is about all we know. A few months ago we thought we had a pretty good idea of how to work this all out in a way that made sense to us. Since Pietro wants to take preaching, leadership and counseling classes at seminary, and our oldest daughter is beginning college on the same campus this fall, we could help cut living expenses for her by moving there for the next four years, be part of a small christian community where our younger kids could attend christian school and Pietro could find work in nearby Moose Jaw (we had a few leads at that time) while fitting studies around work. We could picture this nice, neat package that seemed a wonderful fit for all of our family's needs.

The job possibilities were closed doors. Housing has been CLEAR closed doors. Caronport High School is actually a private school and therefore any expenses we could have helped reduce for Shailey would be eaten up by private school tuition for our other kids. And so we are left questioning our nice, neat, four year plan and learning to say, "If not this, wither then....?" and learning to drift on the current of "I cannot say".

We feel like this is another big "Wait For It" moment in our lives and this time I am really trying to do better, to not wrestle through it like a caterpillar trying to break from the cocoon before its time. I still find myself wriggling at times, but I catch myself and still myself, and find my rest in the flow of the current better than I have in the past.

One open door we have seen is the provision of a  pre-approved mortgage despite the fact that we have no job security (yet). Not only that, it provides us with maximum flexibility (pay as often as you can and as much as you want, or don't pay at all and they will collect interest from our church building project investments at the end of the year). This has been a miraculous answer to prayer, because the honest truth is that with the largest portion of our money from the sale of the farm tied up in our home church building project until 2030, with no job prospects and no income, we definitely don't fit ANY of the standard criteria for a mortgage! But God opened that door so wide for us, in a way that was far beyond anything we would have ever dreamed or asked. So when God does reveal the "whither then", we will be able to move expediently to secure housing!

Until then, He has provided us with a place to stay in our home town of Waldheim until the first week of August (barring the 14-24th of June, if you know of a place we could crash during that period that would be another answer to prayer) and He has given us more confidence in being able to say the words (and be content in saying them): "I cannot say." Where will you be living? I cannot say. What will you be doing? I cannot say. Where will your kids be going to school? I cannot say. What are your plans for the future? I cannot say. The one thing we can say with complete confidence is that although we do not know WHAT the future holds, we know WHO holds the future.

We have had a lot of questions about Pietro's plans for seminary, and what our long term plans are and even those have become increasingly "we cannot say". We do feel increasingly that it is a time in life where we must show care and concern for our kids emotional, educational and social needs, and we do see providing stability and opportunity for them as a large priority for the next ten years until the youngest one comes of age. Since financially it will not be saving us money to live in Caronport, and since doors are not opening in Caronport area for employment and since employment is going to be the important clincher for location, we feel that once the other details of our lives fall together, we will see if, how and when Pietro can fit a class or two a year around holidays and in his spare time through the modular courses offered at Briercrest.

And what about Italy, you ask? We cannot say. Although the dream and the willingness is there if and when God were to open the door in the future for us to return, we have been cautioned and have come to a feeling of conviction we are NOT to put any timeline, or even a definitive stamp of self assurance on our return to Italy at this point. By no longer trying to force a timeline of our own devising, we can focus on living fully in the next chapter of life to continue serving, growing, learning and living out our mission wherever (and for however long) God deems fit to plant us.

Please pray with us that we would continue to have absolute confidence in God's plan and provision for our family, when it comes to our community, our home, our employment, our continued formation and "place in His plan". We might not be able to say "wither then" but we can confidently say, "wherever and whatever lies ahead of us, we know Who goes before us, we know Who stands behind: the God of angel armies is always by our side!

Here by the Water

I miss my Dad tonight. I miss him every night, but especially tonight. I think back to all the times I wanted so badly for him to tell me what he would do, to tell me what to do, to give me the confidence that I was making the right choice. I trusted his judgement so much, his wisdom, his experience.

Now here I am, all grown up, with a wise husband and an ever growing arsenal of experience of my own, and better yet, confidence. Not self confidence, but in the One who leads, and goes before us. Confidence in His voice, in His plan, in His timing and in His power. Confidence in God is a beautiful thing, the kind of confidence that allows you to face the Red Sea and know that you are right where God wants you to be, that there is no obstacle, only opportunity.

Tonight my heart rejoices to bursting, not because God has answered my prayer in leading us to the "next home" he has lined up for us, but because when we find ourselves being led to a wall of water in our path, our hearts skip a beat. We know what happens next. We know the One whose one breath  effortlessly opens a path in the midst of the water. Our journey has seasoned us. It has brought us opportunity to press in to the character of God, find Him faithful, generous, extravagant in our regards. He has given us a home here in Italy that is like a mansion in glory. We didn't ask for that, we didn't merit that, we couldn't in a million years afford that, but He gave it to us for a pittance more than  the price of a little apartment in a busy high rise. Why? Because He is loving and gracious, and good, and that is all.

I could not be happier tonight as I stand with my toes at the water's edge. We moved forward confidently in God's timing, and with God's direction on looking ahead to our next housing. We made an offer with absolute confidence and confirmation that it was the price God was putting on our hearts to offer. We committed it to God, and wanted nothing less than His best for us, whatever that looked like. We listened, we acted, we waited, and the waters did not part. They parted for someone else, but stayed placid and immovable at our feet. We felt no disappointment in that outcome, no discouragement, no fear, no second guessing. Do you know what we felt? Excitement. Anticipation. Confidence.

Our next address, is still claimed by someone else but we know that God is already at work, in their lives as He is in ours, to move us into place when the timing is perfect for both parties. We know that just as God led the Israelites to homes they had not built, and gardens they had not planted, God already knows our forwarding address. The Red Sea Rules was my Dad's favorite book. I find it impossible to have one favorite book, but I gotta say, this one's in my top five, for sure. I wish my Dad could be here to put his big, strong hand on my shoulder tonight, looking across the water with expectation and a chuckle. He showed me by example what he was always reluctant to put into words, and now I understand why. He wanted my confidence to be in the One who would always go before me, always be by my side, and always show me the way, step by step, day by day.

In the Best of Hands

When we return to Italy in the fall, it will be with one new notch on our growth chart of surrender; our firstborn.

As Shailey began to talk out her interests and potentially map out her next year and her subsequent undergraduate studies it quickly became evident that a gap year in Italy was going to create some impracticalities. As a non resident of Canada she would be forced to apply as an international student which is substantially more expensive. Secondly, since she was homeschooled she is going to have to take entrance exams when she applies. Thirdly, she needs to get her driver’s license sooner than later. Being able to work part time as well as have independence and mobility (on foot or by bike) in our community to serve in ministry would be huge advantages as well.

So we started to realize that she has a lot to do this year to prepare for the next. It was a super emotional time for her, and for us by proxy when we started coming to this conclusion. It meant the year we were looking forward to spending with her had just been chopped off leaving us with 6 weeks. I now know what “heart wrenching” actually feels like.

As Shailey started to feel more determined about what she wanted to study, we started to pray for God to work out all practicalities. It was emotionally overwhelming for us to even imagine  how God could bring all of this together quickly enough that we would feel absolute peace and confidence about so quickly and suddenly settling our daughter and returning to Italy without her.

We prayed to the God of minute details. I asked Him to please make it all come together in ways that only He could so that our daughter would not just “accept” His will for her this year, but embrace it with joy and excitement. God did not disappoint. The past week or so has been one story of Divine Provision after another.. To see Him in all the details, bringing the perfect people into her life in all areas, home, work, ministry, etc, my heart is so full and thankful for her!

A few of God’s fingerprints:

When I prayed about Shailey’s living arrangements God brought a couple to my mind. When we approached them about the possibility of Shailey living with them as a homestay nanny in exchange for room and board they were excited how this was answering not only our prayers but prayers of their own as well. When we met to discuss expectations of both parties, we were on the same page in every way, and when I saw Shailey’s room I couldn’t hold back tears as it was painted and decorated in her favorite colors of robin’s egg blue and chocolate brown.

The little guy that Shailey is going to get to care for 2-3 days a week is going to be such a comfort and joy to her as she has always been such a nurturing and loving big sister, and I am so excited for her to get to live surrounded by other role models and team leaders as she steps out and spreads her wings. She is super excited to live out real life discipleship together with our youth pastor and ministry team, and to pour into younger girls in our community.

We have been praying for the people who can give us confidence in finalizing Shailey’s undergraduate career plans, as she has expressed the desire to pursue a bachelor of arts in Social Work, specializing in youth and family counselling. Wouldn’t you know that this week at family camp we are surrounded by some of the top christian people in Saskatoon with years of expertise in this field.

As Shailey came to terms with not returning to Italy she began a grieving process. This is healthy and good. I wanted her to have the tools to transition well. The other night I was lying in bed praying for her. God brought the Canadian MK (missionary kid) Network to my mind and I remembered that they have a reboot camp for kids transitioning off the field. I felt the urgency to actually get up and send an email to our missions agency explaining the situation and requesting information (even though it was close to 1 am). The next day I received a hasty reply that our agency was strongly encouraging us to send her, and would help sponsor the cost, and that the deadline for registration was that same day.

He’s a good, good Father. It’s who He is. Our girl is in the best of hands, being loved by Him.

Your Father Knows....

We are not the same people we were two years ago. We don't think the same, we don't respond the same, and interestingly, we are no longer surprised when God orchestrates amazing things on our behalf.

That doesn't mean that we are not just as delighted, or just as overcome with emotion, but we are not *surprised*. Because He has proven Himself again and again, and again to be our Source, our Sure Thing. The One who calls, provides for the journey.

We can't really live by a budget, because the numbers don't match. God's math doesn't make ANY sense. Somehow there is money to give, to host, to bless, when there should technically only be enough to pay the rent and utility bills. Our vehicle insurance, repairs, tires, etc are not even in the theoretical budget right now, and amazingly, that doesn't concern us.

Like the lady with the oil and the jars, when it should be running out, somehow, it never does. And when something out of the ordinary looms (like our vehicle insurance next month) the money anonymously shows up in our MSC Canada account in the exact right figures that we need.

Or we agree to pray for discernment about whether we should attend a family camp for European MSC workers and someone emails us before we even have time to pray and says "we want to gift you with *this* amount of money, to use in a way that would bless your family." The exact amount for camp registration.

When God was first challenging us to come to Italy, we felt that He was challenging us to come in faith. With no sure knowledge of where we would end up or how we would pay the bills. We were strangely fierce in our desire to "trust and obey and watch" as the Lord guided and provided. We have never, never, EVER been disappointed.

"Do not be amazed, your Father knows what you need before you even ask", and His children who He has blessed with resources are a blessing to others, that we may bless others, that they... Oh what a privilege to be His child, and to be siblings with you in this life now, and in our eternal home. May His family grow and His name be made famous among the nations!

The House That God Picked

This one has me so dazed that I can't even conceivably wax eloquent on it. I am like a stuttering fool before His goodness. After sharing the story about God's lead to Naples, of course I was bombarded with questions about logistics. Where is Naples in relation  to Lesina?  Does this mean a move? So then you need a house?

Well let me assure you that God was far ahead of us all. Indeed, as someone told me precisely 22 months ago, not to worry about the future, the house, the logistics, because God was Already There . And in fine form, just like The Story With Our Van His sovereign signature was in the details.

Before leaving Canada our care team was praying for the home God was preparing for us. One of our friends challenged us to be super specific with God, as we were with the van. So we went home and did our homework, ie. made a list of our needs and desires. This was not an easy task, but I will say the kids had a much easier time with it than I did. We wrote the following:

Need: Three bedrooms: one for us, one for the boys, one for the girls.
Desire: A spare bedroom

Need: A dining room big enough for our ginormous table and family
Desire: A spacious open concept floor plan that would allow hosting big gatherings

Need: Windows. (without light I am prone to struggle with depression)
Desire: Green. It doesn't even have to be on my yard, but if I can just SEE a tree, God I will be happy.

Need: an outdoor space. maybe a balcony, a little patio, or a terrace... just a place to sit in the open air
Desire: a yard "a giardino" as it is called in Italy. with grass, and trees and space for the kids trampoline.

Need: 600 euros a month rent
Desire: a free, private parking space with room to tinker.

Other Desires:
Nichole: please no whacky, tacky tiles and patterns.
Elisa: to be near the sea
Shailey: to have horse stables nearby

Yeah, like I said, the kids didn't have trouble with the Extravagant Giver or  "specific desires" aspect.

During the past six months, I must admit I was a little confused as to the exercise in specifics. I had felt that God was convicting me on doubting His desire to give good gifts to His children. Almost as though I thought He would be stingy in order to test my faithfulness or maturity. I sensed this offended God,  (rightly so) repented of it and asked Him to help me see Him as the Extravagant Giver that He is. Not that that is all He is, but specifically for me this was an element of His character I struggled with.

I really believed I had "broken through" in this area, and was holding great expectations for God to wow us with "something amazing" for our family and ministry. I just gotta say that our 900 square foot, two bedroom, second story apartment with one itsy bitsy teeny weeny shower and expensive 100 euro a month parking 3 blocks away, kinda let me down a bit. DON'T get me wrong. The apartment is beautiful, bright, the four rooms are relatively spacious, and it has a huge balcony for outdoor living, and the 400 euros a month was a huge plus as well. For all of these things I was truly grateful. But... well.... I felt like after challenging me to step up my expectations, God kinda dropped the ball on this one.

Cue the house in Naples. When we were planning the dates to go and explore a ministry opportunity at Il Faro, we were told that they had a potential house that we could rent as well. On Monday afternoon, at 5 pm, we stood in front of the big gate and waited for them to buzz us in. I will describe what we saw, as we saw it as the gate slid open. Yard. A big, big yard. Grass. Trees and lots of place for kids to run. A detached double garage with plenty of space to tinker. A huge two story house, with tons of big windows.

Entering the house we found ourselves in a great room that was practically the size of our whole apartment, with a huge fire place, high ceilings and incredible finishing details. To the right, sliding mahogany doors open to steps leading down to the kitchen with patio doors leading to the patio. A hall, a laundry room and a bathroom lead to the stairs that take you to the second floor where there are two bathrooms and four bedrooms, all with french doors leading on to balconies. From the balconies you look out over a pine forest reaching as far as the eye can see in both directions. Literally a carpet of lush green. And 500 yards beyond, the sea.

As if all of these particulars were not enough, there were little over the top things that left us speechless. Fancy bathtubs and showers and a gas hook up for the barbecue we brought from Canada. But the piece de resistance came at the end of it all when we were sitting around the formal dining room table with the owners and some of their neighbors who had come to help them pack. The neighbors asked our girls what they missed from Canada and the girls said how they missed their horses. The lady's face broke out in a big smile and she said "Well, no worries. We have horse stables and we live just a few miles from here, plenty of horses to choose from."

This dream home, this answer to need, desire and dream and so much more? The rent is 100 euros a month more than what we paid for rent for our apartment and garage in Lesina and exactly the 600 euros a month we had budgeted...

It's just a house. But it's the house God picked and may I just say, He has excellent taste. Extravagant grace has taken on a whole new depth.

The Lighthouse at the End of Nomad's Land

"My Lighthouse,
My Lighthouse
Shining in the darkness,
I will follow You.
My Lighthouse,
My Lighthouse;
I will trust the promise
You will carry me safe to shore."

These lyrics have been a staple in our home, both during our final days in "our Canada house" as Nicholas calls it, and then again during these initial months of transition and observation here in this little coral colored rental in Italy. I remember every time it would come around in a playlist it would stop me in my tracks, draw me in, infuse me with its truth. Once was never enough, I would inevitably be drawn to hit repeat and allow myself to be reminded, strengthened, re-enforced. It brought joy, faith, a renewed anticipation in a way. In hindsight I can see how it was another one of those "Wait for it...." post it notes from God.

I am not a liar. But I don't always tell both sides of the story. This blog is a place for me to record the amazing Red Sea, manna and quail stories. Facebook is a place where I really enjoy posting pictures of our "recharge" day. The weekly day off we are committed to unplugging and retreating as a family, away from our tiny apartment, away from our dirty, noisy, busy street. Somewhere peaceful, restful, beautiful. I love to capture these places and experiences in photo, and share their beauty with people back home.

But what this blog and facebook don't show are are the sights or sounds or emotions of the other 6 days of our week. The day in and day out wandering in the desert of Nomad's land on our way to the place He has picked out.   It can not portray the fog that has been our constant companion as we continue to drift while persevering in trust that His hand in on the rudder. You trust that God has a shore in mind, you believe in the light of His towering, rock solid, guiding beacon. You keep telling yourself over and over, it's there... it's coming... watch for it. Your eyes get blurry as you keep straining to catch sight of it.

And then one day BOOM. It almost blinds you as it swings into sight and you sit wholly bathed in its blazing clarity.

The Lighthouse. How many times have we sung it, clinging to the truth of it. So why on earth would my heart race fit to bursting at the realization that He has brought our boat to shore at the foot of  Il Faro: The Lighthouse in Naples. I love to tell the story, I love to give Him glory...but the truth is that the more we learn to lean in and allow ourselves to be carried along in the current of His plot,  the more often we find ourselves sitting speechless and stunned by the intricacies of His sovereign penmanship. Why we would be surprised anymore continues to amaze me, but in a way I think He delights in stunning us. Yes, I do believe He delights in setting off fireworks that light up our darkness with the brilliance of His glory.

The mission of Il Faro is to develop mature and united disciples to reach Naples and the world for Jesus. Their desire is to see growing missional communities planted and growing, branching and multiplying in the region of Naples and beyond. Truly a body of believers that has a clear mission and a strategic vision to do their part in fulfilling the great commission. This requires small groups to be united in vision and purpose to missionally engage with their neighborhoods. This small group discipleship is exactly what God began laying on our heart for ministry over a year ago, and at Il Faro we have the chance to jump in and do just that.

We are so excited to have found the "team" with the like minded vision and mission that we have been praying for. We are acutely aware of what a phenomenal sending church, supporters and agency we are blessed with, truly equipping, releasing, guarding and supporting us. We are so thankful for all the prayers and the Sovereign Hand that have brought our boat safe to shore at the foot of The Lighthouse at the end of Nomad's Land.

Shifting Sand

Looking back at the heavy fog that was our walking weather for most of the duration of our journey until now I almost miss it. It was comforting in some way. It muffled one’s senses and made it so that all I could focus on was the One who was going before me and beckoning “follow.” Now that we have come out into the open on the other side of the pass, I feel myself almost shrinking back at the glaring brightness of reality.  Here we are, with the panorama of our future stretching out in front of us in all its stark clarity, and frankly, it’s a little overwhelming.

I grew up a small town country girl in the mountains and loved to explore the piney recesses on horseback. Then I married and we made our home in the prairies where I grew to love the wide open spaces and the gentle landscape of planting, crops and harvest. Mountains are solid, strong and bold, the prairies are steady, sure and simple. Here, I feel as though we have stepped off of  sure, dependable terrain and are wading through sand, the deep soft  kind that pulls you in and makes you slip always to one side as you go, stretching muscles in your legs you never even knew you had.

I didn’t imagine it would be like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I had some romantic notion of what life would be like here that doesn’t line up with reality.  I knew, we knew… we KNOW very well the reality of life here.  Maybe that is what makes it so hard right out of the starting gate.  Maybe if we weren’t so keenly aware of deep rooted traditions, culture, reality, we would be cushioned by a little of that honeymoon phase. But of course all that would result from that would be a delay in the crash, and sometimes those delays make you come down harder than ever.  No, I wouldn’t pick that if I had the choice.

In a way, we are both experiencing the phenomenon of what is called “re-entry” in missionary vocabulary.  We are coming back to a culture we once were part of only to realize we are no longer part of it and never will be part of it the way we once were again. The things that have happened to make us no longer part of it are rich experiences and lessons that of course no one else has shared or can relate to and because of that you are an oddity. We both went through this when we left the ship and went back to our respective home countries 20 years ago, then again when we moved to Italy in 2000, then again when we moved to Canada in 2004 and now, oh yay, we get to live it all over again.

This phenomenon of being a cultural oddity has a word in missionary vocabulary, too.  It is called “third culture”. You come from one culture with its own unique shape and characteristics and you find yourself seeking to integrate in a new culture that has a completely different shape and characteristics .  Visualize Canadian culture as a square and Italian culture as a circle, and of course right away the old adage “square peg in a round hole” sums it up well.  When you first find yourself being torn out of one culture and dropped into another, it is inevitable that you feel keenly the jut of the angles that  are in juxtaposition to the shape your own life has taken.

In Canada we complain about the busy parking lot at Costco, having eight people in line in front of us at the till, the road conditions, computerized telephone services. Here, you can call a company or even the immigration office every five minutes all day long and never get an answer, and , surprise, surprise, no answering machine message to even try to glean information from if you wanted to.  Oh, and don’t expect anything to make sense.  If immigration says on the sign by the gate that their opening hours are from 8:30 am to 1:00 pm you would imagine you could drive the hour or more to their office any time between those hours and expect to be served right?  Wrong. 

What you won’t know and can’t know  unless someone gives you the personal cell phone number of someone on the inside who can tell you how to go about successfully applying for residency, is that you need to be in line by 8:30 when they open the gate because they will allow 70 people in and then close the gate and that is it.  Those 70 people get to go inside and spend their morning hoping and waiting to be seen.  We were the third people in line, and guess what they did, as we went through the gate, they checked and stacked our passports from the bottom up, so the first person in line was the last one to be served, meaning we were there by quarter to eight, waited till quarter to 12 and got out of there at quarter to one. Because two people who could only type with two fingers did both the gate processing and the paperwork processing inside.  Oh and good thing you thought of the right questions to ask that person with the cell phone because they would have forgotten to tell you what documents to bring and you would have had to go away and return and rewait three or four different times to procur the list of documents and photos and photocopies they require. Because they won't give you a paper that lists them, they will tell you when they get to that part of your processing that you need to go and come back when you have such and such.  And next time the same. Words can not begin to describe the insanity of the lack of system.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, be prepared to spend at LEAST two hours waiting to, and then filling out paper work.  And I am not kidding.  Just to open an account at the post office yesterday we spent two and a half hours with TWO people taking down our information, every single personal piece of information you could possibly fathom, including places of birth, the equivalent of our SIN numbers, identity card AND passport numbers, I can’t even remember what all, and just like in hospitals back home, they don’t just ask you these questions once but you go through a series of questions for one form and then repeat and repeat the same information at least four times to get through four different forms that are about four pages long each. We must have each had to sign our names about twelve times to complete the paperwork for our account.

The same was true for getting insurance for our van and ordering our kitchen from Ikea.  Truly, it is almost frightening.  Every move you make requires almost every possible piece of information about your identity.  Why in heaven’s name  Ikea needs to know where we were born is truly beyond me, but I think it’s because there are 60 million people in this country and identity and possible mixup between the 20,000 Giovanni Macarone’s  is an issue.   All this to say, with there being so much paperwork for us to go through this first month and the fact that you need to wait in line for at LEAST half an hour here wherever you go, often an hour or more, it has been exhausting and time consuming.

And then there’s the kids. Doing this as forty something, conscious and seasoned adults is one thing, and by no means a small thing. We have six beautiful, sensitive, amazingly tender children in our care and keeping who have stepped into the sand with us. Yeah we know they have a bit of the honeymooner in them. Especially since they love sand.  But sand can get old when it gets into your comfy shoes and rubs along your tender skin, when it blows into your eyes and you weren’t prepared to shield them with your hand, when it’s so hot it scalds you feet.  They are experiencing that too.

Italians are nothing if they aren’t opinionated and comfortable stating those opinions as fact. Because to them, their opinions are fact. So wherever we go we get two reactions without fail.  1. We are wonderful 2. We are crazy.  Italians are drawn to our family, the number of kids, the way they play together, take care of each other, their manners and our closeness as a family unit. It is wonderful  and rare in their eyes.  But it is so foreign to them, and their immediate response is one of concern for our kids.  Why would you bring them here?  Why would you uproot them from a safe, comfortable, secure, wonderful life in Canada and come to this? How will they survive being ripped from a 5 bedroom house in the country and crammed into a two bedroom apartment on a main drag?

We know very well what they mean by “this”. Especially here in the south. Wherever we look we see situations that make you catch your breath.  It’s not apparent on the surface but the reality of people’s coffers and scraping by day to day is inevitable when your only prospect is to take a temporary job planting tomatoes or else start learning German in the hopes of getting a job in a country that actually has a thriving economy. We know people who are doing both.  And yet when I hear these concerns over and over I have to say in my head, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”  For how the enemy would love to use these words and concerns to plant fear and anxiety in my life in regards to our children.

So here we are, wading through shifting sand, catching our bearings and our breath, taking in the cacophony of new sights and sounds (and it really is a cacophony) and seeking to do it with grace, and hope and joy, which are the things we most want to represent here.  And when our footing seems unsure, which is with most every step, we have a sure hand to hold and we are learning to cling to it and find comfort and strength in this one sure thing, that “when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”

Like Cedars

"How fair are your tents, O Jacob, your dwellings, O Israel!  Like valleys that stretch out, like gardens beside the river, like aloes planted by the Lord, like cedars beside the waters."  Numbers 24:5-6

This afternoon as we set our faces homeward on our journey from BC to Saskatchewan we prayed that God would go before us and give us clear guidance and provision on where and when to stop for the night.  The forecast was not in our favor with heavy snowfall and potential avalanche conditions ahead of us.  Only an hour and a half into our journey we were brought to a halt by a tucking accident just east of Sicamous where a logging truck had lost part of its load on the road.  After waiting till nearly dark we again prayed for discernment on how to proceed.

We were texting with various concerned family members and as we discussed options, expressing our hope to make it to Revelstoke for night, my aunt was able to check online and see there were no vacancies in Revelstoke.  As we turned back toward Sicamous she started texting me numbers of potential hotels. I hit dial on the first number without even scrolling the list or reading the names and was told they had two adjoining rooms with three queen beds and two single beds. My heart just about reached my mouth when I realized the name of the motel was The Cedars Motel.

Flashback. When our farm sold back in October we happily imagined ourselves on our way to Italy the day after possession. When we realized that wouldn't be possible our hearts sank. What were we to do in the interim?  Where were we supposed to live?  There are no rental houses in our town and we needed to be near Waldheim for many reasons.  That very day the telephone rang and a sweet retired couple from our church told us that they were packing up and clearing out of their house for however long it took us to get to the field, that we had a home until departure.  Their home, a beautiful, new, spacious dwelling at 214 Cedar Place.

Skip forward. It is December and we are planning our farewell trip to BC to connect with family, friends and supporters.  We planned to spend one week in my home town, over two Sundays, and being over Christmas of course houses were full of extended family.  One day about three weeks before our trip we get an email with an offer to house sit a big house out in the country just a hop, skip and a jump from the cabin where I lived as a child, and also just up the road from the friends we were there to visit with.  This family was going to be away the exact dates we were visiting and since they had animals and a wood boiler they really needed to find someone who could take care of their place over the holidays. Their house is built right on the curve of Cedar Creek.

God has been precious to show without a shadow of a doubt that our lodgings are not our concern. That when we seek to obey and move in the path He opens before us, He is intricately concerned with providing for our practical needs in extravagant and intricate ways that only He can. When I look at Cedars in the bible they are indicative of dwelling places, that of Solomon, the tabernacle, people finding a nesting place and dwelling place among the cedars and their tents being compared to Cedars.  For us it has become a beautiful image of God's provision for us as we leave the security of our own dwelling behind and follow Him where He leads.

Day by Day

Tear splattered notes from my quiet time this morning; God is soooo good to speak into our weakness and inspire with fresh vision and strength to take the next step.

"The Lord said to Moses, 'Why do you cry to me?  Tell the children of Israel to go forward.'"  Ex 14:15

"I have found that when we go as far as we can, God often opens up the rest of the way." Isobel Kuhn

"On the despairing shores of the Red Sea the Israelites couldn't see what was in the distance.  They had no binoculars that could view Canaan or even the opposite shore but the Lord gave the Israelites simple instructions; 'Tell the children of Israel to go forward.'  The nineteenth century expositor C.H. Mackintosh believed the Red Sea did not divide throughout all at once but opened progressively as Israel moved forward, so that they needed to trust God for each fresh step.  Mackintosh wrote, 'God never gives guidance for two steps at a time.  I must take one step, and then I get light for the next.  This keeps the heart in abiding dependence upon God.'  It is axiomatic that God generally leads His children step by step, provides for us day by day and cares for us moment by moment. "

"The pillar of cloud led them forward day by day" Neh 9:19

"Day by day the Lord also pours out His steadfast love upon me."  Psa 42:8

"Your strength shall be renewed day by day like morning dew."  Ps 110:3

"Give us day by day our daily bread" Luke 11:3 (and if our daily bread also our daily work, our daily plans, our daily opportunities)

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day" 2 Cor 4:16

"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand."

"It was a path where faith alone could walk, and step by step in faith they trod it until the other shore was reached."  John Richie

"The One who knows the far away future reveals each close at hand step as needed."

"To go as I am led, to go when I am led, to go where I am led."  A.T. Pierson

All excerpts from The Red Sea Rules: The Same God Who Led You In Will Lead You Out

Already There

A few weeks ago when I was feeling overwhelmed by how all of this was going to come together, someone shared this amazing song with me, that expresses how God already has it all figured out.  He knows who is going to buy our house, He knows what house we are going to live in in Italy, He knows the people that are going to come together like threads in a tapestry to share in this ministry with us.  Not only does He KNOW but for Him, it's already reality.  

As we sat last night sharing and praying with friends on the last eve of the old year, a possible additional piece of the puzzle that is our future suddenly found itself on the table for discussion.  A piece that once again got my heart pumping and my soul bursting in the AWE of how God orchestrates far beyond our wildest imaginings! To think how he moves in the lives of different people at different times but then brings them together in one place and time and "click" the puzzle pieces have been shaped to fit to perfection. 

A while back God gave us a glimpse into how He may be planning on providing housing for us in Italy that would reduce our support needs by a huge chunk, and now He may be revealing a really perfect opportunity for us to have income in Canada that would provide a substantial portion of our support needs as well.  Both of these things involve  special people in our lives whose circumstances of recent years suddenly become intricately entwined with ours.   As we ponder how the brushstrokes of God create a portrait of perfect provision, we truly are left a bit weak in the knees.  Of course we are still a ways from these things being a concrete reality but we take great joy in the fact that He is already there, and He is planning our comings and our goings with the kind of detailed attention that only He can give.  

How GREAT is our God?!

"From where I'm standing Lord, it's so hard for me to see

where this is going and where you're leading me.  

I wish I knew how all my fears and all my questions

are gonna play out in a world I can't control.

From where you're standing Lord, you see a grand design

that you imagined when you breathed me into life.

And all the chaos comes together in your hands 

like a masterpiece of your picture perfect plan.

When I'm lost in the mystery, to you my future is a memory

cause you're already there.  You're already there.

Standing at the end of my life, waiting on the other side

you're already there.  You're already there.

One day I'll stand before you and look back on the life I've lived.

I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

You're already there."

Casting Crowns

Chapter One; An Unexpected Party

As I begin to fondly think of our little farming community as the shire, and look back on that unexpected party, tears well up in my eyes.  Who knew.  Who knew that just a few short months ago as we sat around that fire listening to tales of faith and fun from two fresh, inspiring young people, and as we let them in on our secret that we, too, had our yes on the table and were waiting for directions; who knew that our paths would end up being so intimately intertwined.  They had no way of knowing.  We had no way of knowing.  In our wildest dreams I don't think we would have or could have mapped out the arrows of the journey the way God has clearly done and has been doing for YEARS. 

Flashback to I don't know when exactly.  The seventies I'm guessing.  My dad is still in school in his hometown of Waldheim, SK.  He invites a buddy from school to a bible study.  That buddy becomes a Christian and grows up to be a world shaker and a kingdom builder and a global visionary.  That man is Mike Hack.

Flashforward to the 80's.  My foster parents move to BC and "get" me. 

Flashforward to the 90's.  I leave home at the age of 17 and head off to OM ships ministry.  On the way I spend a week in Holland at the GO conference.  While there someone introduces me to a fellow Canadian, a Saskatchewan fellow.  I tell him my dad is from Sask.  Where in SK he wants to know.  Oh a very small town I say.  Where?  He persists.  Waldheim, I say. 

"Waldheim!  I'm from Waldheim!  Who is your dad?" 

"Robert Bueckert." 

"Robert Bueckert!"  He exclaims... "Your dad was instrumental in leading me to the Lord!" 

My introduction to Mike Hack.

Flashforward to 2005.  Pietro and I buy an acreage in Waldheim, SK and become members of Mike Hack's home church.  Crazy coincidence?  We thought it was :)

Flashforward to 2013.  We have had the privilege of watching Mike impact the lives of many youth in our community and mobilize them to get out and discover the big wide world and ways they can make eternal difference.  We love to hear their stories and see the fruit of their experiences impact our community.  On just such a night, we connected heart to heart with two young people whose worlds have been rocked and whose lives are forever changed.  We invited them to pray for us as we too, waited to see what story God would unfold for our family.

And today as they share a part in this story, we all marvel.  To think that my DAD who is not even my dad but who took me in and raised me like a daughter was part of this story, from the very beginning... that the circles have gone out, and come back and gone out from Waldheim, and interconnected and overlapped... from my Dad, to Mike, to Larissa, to Nic, to Coen, to us, who came from Italy to Waldheim, who will return to Italy FROM Waldheim, but all the richer, all the readier, but how this journey will first lead us to Africa and Mike and Larissa and Coen again along the way.  What a party that will be. What an unexpected party indeed .  And what a privilege to have an invitation.  We are truly, truly humbled and overwhelmed to be characters written into God's plot and purposes and to have the privilege to watch His story unfold.    

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7

We Give Thanks!

 Pietro's meeting with his boss could not have gone better.  He received the news with grace and gave us his full support.  The timing of the meeting was remarkable as that very day he was giving notice of acceptance to one of the four men that had interviewed for the department, but had wrestled to decide which of two men to hire.  After Pietro spoke with him, he contacted and hired them both.

In discussion with OM Italy, the timing of our desiring to come work with them is an answer to prayer.  The person who has been working with their discipleship program until now has given notice that this will be their last term.    

Last night we met with the E & M committee from our church.  The timing of this was also remarkable.  The night before, very late in the evening Pietro all of a sudden stopped short and said that the E and M budget was most likely already finalized and submitted for 2014.  We quickly popped off a text to the chair of the committee asking if it was too late for us to apply to serve in 2014 and he said "be there tomorrow at 7:15 and we'll take care of it."  At the meeting they told us that the funds have been there and they have been praying and waiting for someone from our church to GO.  Of course that made me all weepy again.  To think of all the people that have been part of praying us to this point without even realizing it.

2 years ago, one of my friends was seriously getting ready to go and serve with OM Italy.  God has his timing and plans and  they didn't end up going.  But she has often thought of that place with a pang in her heart and prayed for whoever God would  send there , that things would all work out for the best.  When she found out that we were going  she was just in awe that it was us.  In essence, she also has been praying for us.

We give thanks for EVERY person in our life who has helped to shape us and mold us, through good times and hard times and who has supported us through those times and who supports us now as we move forward on this journey.  Above all we give thanks to our Heavenly Father who is the author of  this story and who has invited  us to be characters in the plot of His Great Adventure.  It's kind of funny, our family theme song has always been "The Great Adventure" by Steven Curtis Chapman, even though our life has not REALLY been that great of an adventure but we just like to see life through that lens.  Now those words are ringing in my ears, burning in my heart, and I laugh as they do: "Saddle up your horses, we've got a trail to blaze, into the wide blue yonder of God's amazing grace.  Let's follow our leader into the great unknown.  This is a life like no other, oh yeah, this is The Great Adventure!"