No Nearer to the End

Is that THE mountain?"  asked Bilbo in a solemn voice.  "Of course not!" said Balin.  "That is only the beginning of the Misty Mountains, and we have got to get through, or over, or under those somehow, before we can come into the Wilderland beyond.  And it is a deal of a way even from the other side of them to the Lonely Mountain in the East."

'"Oh!"  said Bilbo, and just at that moment he felt more tired than he ever remembered feeling before.'

"(Rivendell) sounded nice and comforting, but they had not got there yet and it was not so easy as it sounds to find the Last Homely House west of the Mountains.  There seemed to be no trees and no valleys and no hills to break the ground in front of them, only one vast slope going slowly up and up to meet the feet of the nearest mountain."

"It was indeed a much wider land from the ford to the mountains than ever you would have guessed.  Bilbo was astonished.  Altogether it was a very slow business following the track, even guided by Gandalf, who seemed to know his way about pretty well.  They followed his lead but they seemed no nearer to the end of the search when the day began to fail."

It's uncanny how I relate to this.   All of it.  Thinking that we've come so far.  Thinking maybe we are over the hump, or at least nearing it.  Then all of a sudden looking around and wondering if we have made any progress at all.   I know it's not true.  I know so much water has passed under the bridge, and we've been swept along on a raging current of emotion and change and faith.  Even so, to be perfectly honest in the past twenty four hours I have wrestled with feelings of despair, feeling like the waves have washed us right back to shore.

I know it's not about the destination.  I know it's about the journey, and how it will shape us.  I know that every challenge is an opportunity for growth.  I know I want to grow.  Grow in patience, faith, trust.... so I know this journey is good for me.   So good.  But so tiring.

Even while we have committed to take a physical sabbatical from ministry prep plans over Christmas, the energy required to even try to be still in one's heart and one's  mind continues.  It is truly exhausting to learn to live by a whole new paradigm.  A paradigm where you hand over the right to all knowledge, all control, all power.  You give up the right to choose the turns, to set the pace.  You merely keep your eyes fixed on the feet that go before you... the feet that know the way.  The feet that choose the path.

And so we trust that He will make the way.  The way for us to get all our paperwork in order and to provide for all the details.

 We will  have to strap our packs on and travel far in coming months but not tonight.  Tonight I know we have a standing invitation to curl up in Rivendell and "sleep in heavenly peace."  To enjoy the blessedness of this special moment.   To not miss out on the peace and comfort and joy afforded here by looking out the window and fretting over the peaks to be summited  in the distance.

Approach to Rivendell by Paul Tobin