Nothing to Give

I started this day with nothing to give. And yet to me this day so much has been given.

When I rose with the dawn and wearily gathered my bible, prayer journal and devotional, I started by journaling how spent I was. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Ten days of battling a wicked ear infection, as many days of seeking to sum 40 years of testimony into four pages that would wholly reflect and glorify the One who has been there leading and sustaining each step of the way. A night of very little rest due to nausea from antibiotics, and the monumental task of going out and standing before a room full of women to bare my soul just hours ahead of me.

"God," I wrote. "I need You. I have nothing without You. I don't have the energy to do what I need to do today. We don't have the resources to pay the bills that have come in the past two days. We don't have the patience and the endurance to face another month of dealing with all the bureaucracy of getting our residency issues sorted out. God, it's been a hard year. Four homes, and we still aren't settled. All the expenses and the exchange rate on our support making this seem financially impossible. God, we need you."

After journaling, I took up my devotional book, turning to the passage in Phil 4:6-7 and read this: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; then the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

The devotional meditation that followed read;  "In every thing, by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God." 'But do not beg. Rather, come just as a business manager bringing to the owner the needs, checks to be signed, etc., and knowing that to lay the matter before Him means immediate supply. I (God) long to supply, but the asking- or the faith-assurance from you, is necessary, because to you that contact with Me is vital."

With thanksgiving, I praise God for how He has provided for both our needs and some of our wants. And how it has been His provision, His blessing to come through in each case. How I love to make His name famous for how faithful and good He is! And so I place my stones in the road.

Because of the drop in the Canadian dollar, even though our support remains the same and our supporters are faithful, what we get after the exchange rate does not come close to reflecting our actual budget. This has meant that while we have money to pay the rent, the bills, gas for the van and feed our family there is nothing extra for clothing or medication or unexpected expenses. So when the boys were down to two pairs of "acceptable to wear in public" pants each, one pair of which could be considered "iffy" I started praying I could find some cheap used pants for them at the market that could be squeezed into the grocery budget. Unfortunately because of all the immigrants here, it is extremely hard to find used items at the market and for two weeks I had no success. That second Saturday I prayed and told God the boys needed pants and that Jonathan needed shoes. The girls had also requested I keep my eye open for brown dress shoes for them (a want not a need).

The next day one of my new friends, the wife of an American chaplain on the base, was visiting with me at church and said, "Oh, by the way, next Saturday there is a bag sale at the Thrift Store on base, would you like to come with me?" (You need to be sponsored on by a military family). Of course you will not be surprised to know that in that sale I got two BAGS full of clothes for ten euros. Not just one, but four pairs of pants for each of the boys, and although there were not many shoes to choose from, there were 6 pairs of beautiful brown dress shoes in the girls' sizes. Besides this I was able to get coats and house coats for a number of the kids. All for the price of ONE pair of pants at the market.

For a few weeks my heart has been very burdened for Shailey. She is sixteen and was so enjoying her "freedom" in Canada to get out and do things as an individual. Her piano lessons, quizzing, riding... she has given all of these up and has nothing to replace them here. She expressed feeling a bit stir crazy, and wanting to find a way to earn some money so that she could take riding lessons at the stable nearby. They are not expensive, but even ten euros a lesson is one third of our day's household expenses and unfeasible for us. So we committed to pray even though my heart did not have hope. The economy here is in crisis. Everyone is struggling to put food on the table. People are constantly asking us to provide work for them, cutting our grass, cleaning our house, cooking for us, they are begging for work and we can't help any of them. Riding lessons for Shailey seems extravagant in light of this.

But within days of requesting that God provide the means for Shailey to make some money so that she can pursue an interest, we were approached with a request for babysitting from another American family from our church. She has three dates pencilled in for the near future and her eyes are shining like stars as she looks forward to being able to climb in the saddle again.

Lastly, just today, after my time in the word this morning I handed over these unexpected bills that are coming up due to our new rental contract and hook ups. Like the devotional said, I didn't beg. I just said, God, we are your servants. You are our source. We don't have the money to pay these bills. And now tonight, in my inbox, a little note from someone on the other side of the world, saying they had "some money" they were praying how and where to give, and today they knew they were to give it to us.

"I (God) long to supply, but the asking- or the faith-assurance from you, is necessary, because to you that contact with Me is vital."

Oh how these words resonate with me in this current chapter of growth and learning about His goodness and faithfulness. Every day I look at the Vine and the Branches painting Ramona gifted us before we moved and I realize that it says it all. Apart from Him we can do nothing. He is our life, our source, our song.